Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Responsibilities of Dog Ownership

Someone called Dr.Besser says in the newspaper I would like to see Mandatory Classes for Expectant Dog Owners to teach them about the Responsibilities of Dog Ownership.

Expectant Dog Owners? I thought Bitches did the Expecting not Owners.

It's raining today. Monty the Mont, Marmite and I have Twelve feet altogether to make Muddy Footprints on the floor. So the gate to our field is shut. Boring. The only thing we can do is sleep under Person's desk.

The Responsibilities of Dog Ownership could mean Persons must not shut gates and stop dogs from going into fields whenever they want. The Responsibilities of Dog Ownership could mean that all Dog Owners must call out a Dog Listener so they could learn to play that 'I'm an Alpha Wolf game' like Person plays with us.

My Person who is a Dog Listener would be Very Busy. She would Go Out even more than she does now. Because she's Out all the time, she won't be able to do Responsibilities of Dog Ownership properly with me, or with Monty the Mont or with Marmite, because we are left at home.

I am very sad because Tobi who writes in my Blog and who lives in Costa Rica has gone. He says he is now Angel Tobi. I'm not too sure about Heaven and Hell. I quite like it here, under Person's desk with Monty the Mont and Marmite.

Did the Angels in Heaven have to take Mandatory Classes about the Responsibilities of Dog Ownership before getting Tobi?

Anyway, I don't suppose the Elyssian Fields get Muddy.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

At the Vet's

Monty the Mont and Marmite both went to the vet's yesterday for their injections.

If you are one of my Person's Dog Listener friends and you are reading my Blog today, I shall tell you what REALLY HAPPENED at the vet's.

Marmite pulled and jumped. Then she made a PUDDLE on the vet's floor. I never make Puddles on floors.

I hope none of Person's Dog Listener friends saw what Monty the Mont did! While He-Person sat with Monty the Mont, a Boxer dog came in to the vet's waiting room.

The Boxer dog looked at Monty the Mont. Monty the Mont looked at the Boxer dog. Both dogs Pulled to get to each other and made Excited noises.

And He-Person forgot ALL the Dog Listener stuff Person had told him about. He didn't walk calmly outside with Monty the Mont. He didn't distract him calmly like Dog Listeners do. He-Person did lots of Commands. DOWN MONTY, DOWN, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT, SIT, LEAVE IT...

Oh dear. Dog Listener's dogs don't Pull. Dog Listener's dogs don't get Excited by other dogs. Dog Listener's dogs certainly don't make PUDDLES on vet's floors.

Anyway, I just stayed in the car.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Wild Predators

My Person says that, from behind, I look like Something Else.

A Sad Elephant, or maybe an Aardvark.

This is because I have two Whorls, one each side of my Tail. They look like EYES.

Monty the Mont doesn't have two Whorls that look like EYES, and nor does Marmite have two Whorls that look like EYES.

Perhaps I have two Whorls that look like Eyes so that Wild Predators are too AFRAID to Attack me From Behind.

I hope Wild Predators don't Attack Marmite from Behind because she would have to Run and Marmite is Slow. I'm not Slow. I'm FAST.

If Wild Predators Attacked Monty the Mont from Behind just a little bit, it could Teach him a Lesson.

It would prove to Monty the Mont that I am Winner of the 'Who's Top Dog' game if Wild Predators are too AFRAID to Attack me, but Wild Predators are not too AFRAID to attack Monty the Mont.

Anyway, I don't think we have Wild Predators in our field. We do have Moles though.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Boss

My Person keeps going out and leaving us All Alone. This is since she has been doing Dog Listening.

Each time Person comes back she Smells of a Different Dog.

Yesterday she came back smelling of Jack Russell. Jack Russell Worries. He Panics. He thinks it's his Job to Look After his Persons all the time so he BARKS AND BARKS AND BARKS. Jack Russell Charges About. He tries to Attack cars.

Jack Russell goes Frantic when a Visitor comes. When my Person came he jumped right up as high as her face, then he charged all over the chairs, then he climbed up her leg, then he ran around the room BARKING and his Persons couldn't catch him. My Person said to Jack Russell's Persons please put his collar on.

Then she said we will now put a lead on him. Then they could catch him. They shut him in the kitchen. When he came out he started again. Back into the kitchen. Then he came out and started again. Back into the kitchen. Soon it was a bit longer before he started again. Back in the kitchen. All the time nobody looked at Jack Russell and nobody spoke to him.

Persons just carried on talking to each other.

After about one hour Jack Russell lay down and then he gave a big Sigh and went to Sleep.

Already Jack Russell is learning that he is not The Boss. Being the Boss is a Big Job. Too Big for Jack Russell. Being The Boss is his Person's Big Job.

In our Pack Monty the Mont thinks he's The Boss of the Dogs. But Monty the Mont can't make me think he's The Boss of the Dogs. Monty the Mont sometimes Tests Person to see if Person really is The Boss. He pushes past her and knocks into her when she's taking us OUTSIDE to feed us.

Person Stops. She gives Monty the Mont one of her Loooong Looooooks. So Monty the Mont turns around and tucks in behind her.

Anyway, here is a picture of Monty the Mont showing Marmite that he's The Boss of the Dogs.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Falling Over

I had Writers Block yesterday. I haven't got Writers Block any more because I have something to Write About. Person gave me a Big Stuffed Bone today. She also gave Monty the Mont a Big Stuffed Bone and she gave Marmite a Big Stuffed Bone.

Person gave us Big Stuffed Bones because we had to stay OUTSIDE for Four Whole Hours. We had to stay OUTSIDE because Granny and Granny's Sister came to our house. Granny is 94 Years of Age and Granny's Sister is 91. That is thirteen Years of Age in Dog Years.

I wonder whether I shall live to be thirteen Years of Age.

I had to stay OUTSIDE, Monty the Mont had to Stay OUTSIDE and Marmite had to Stay OUTSIDE. This is not because we might Jump Up. (After Person started playing her Dog Listening games with us we have stopped Jumping Up - nearly). We had to stay OUTSIDE because Granny might Fall Over. Granny's Sister might Fall Over too. They might even Fall Over if we just Walk Past them!

It would be more sensible if Granny had four legs and Granny's Sister had four legs. Then Granny and Granny's Sister would not be so very Wobbly.

Anyway, if Granny and Granny's Sister had four legs then Person would not have given us Big Stuffed Bones to quarrel over OUTSIDE.

Tomorrow my Person is going to visit a Boxer who Pulls so hard on his lead that sometimes his Person Falls Over! I expect Boxer will get some of my Person's Stop Start Change Direction games.

Here are Monty the Mont and Marmite in the Outside kennel with what's left of one of our Big Bones.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Snow and Bryony the Grey Greyhound

Person opened the door this morning to let us out, and everything was WHITE.

I love Playing in the Snow. So does Monty the Mont and so does Marmite.

Marmite Eats Snow. When Marmite is in the Snow she nearly has no legs. This is because the Snow is Deep and Marmite's legs are Short.

We had Very Very Good News yesterday. Jenny Dog Listener has taken Grey Greyhound Bryony from the Rescue Kennels to live with her For EVER.

Jenny Dog Listener took Grey Geryhound Bryony to her home to meet her other Greyhound called Bruce. She took Briony just for one weekend to see how they all got on, and then she took Briony back to the Kennels until later. That was because Jenny Dog Listener goes Out to Work. She wanted to be at home when Bryony started living with her and with Bruce For EVER.

But when Grey Greyhound Bryony went back to Rescue Kennels she Cried and she Howled all night. She wanted to be back with Bruce. So Jenny Dog Listener picked Bryony up the very next day and took her home to live with Bruce For EVER.

So now Bryony is a Very Lucky Dog and she's a Very Happy Dog. She will now be a Very Warm Dog. Because she now lives with a Dog Listener she will be a Very Well Understood Dog. And Bryony won't have to stand outside in the Snow all by herself. She can Play in the Snow with Bruce. (If you click 'Bryony' under the picture of me and Monty the Mont in the Snow, you will see about Bryony).

Anyway, it's now time to go Outside to Play in the Snow again. I will need to wake Monty the Mont and make him come out to Play with me. Marmite is too tired.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


My Person visited two Chow Chows yesterday. Chow Chows have Black Tongues.

I have a Pink Tongue, Monty the Mont has a Pink Tongue and so does Marmite.

I use my Tongue to lick between Person's Toes.

Person visited two Labradors today. One was the same colour as me and the other was the same colour as Monty the Mont. Person says she would like to have brought them home with her.

I would have liked that and so would Marmite. I don't know about Monty the Mont.

Anyway, there isn't room under Person's desk for any more Labradors.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Terrified Terrier

Do you remember I told you about Terrified Terrier? Terrified Terrier was frightened of Rain. He was frightened of Wind. He was frightened of Noises on TV. He was frightened of Noises in the night. He was frightened even of Soft Noises.

In his Panic Terrified Terrier tried to Climb walls, he tried to Climb curtains and he tried to Climb doors. Terrified Terrier Screamed and he Panted. At night his Persons had to shut him in a Crate for his safety. Terrified Terrier would make his feet and mouth bleed trying to Escape.

Just Two Days after my Person went to see Terrified Terrier and explained to his Persons how to be Alpha Wolves for him, Terrified Terrier just stopped being Terrified. Now he is taking no notice of Noises any more. He is chilling out in front of the TV. He is no Longer a Terrified Terrier.

I wonder what Terrified feels like? Marmite doesn't understand Terrified either. Monty the Mont will remember feeling Terrified as a Puppy, when Magic our German Shepherd nearly Killed him. That was before Magic and Monty the Mont became best friends.

Monty the Monty still feels a little bit Terrified if he is left All Alone.

Anyway, Monty the Mont isn't left All Alone much, because he has me and he has Marmite.

Sarah Bear who is Person's First born has gone Skiing. This means Sarah Bear is sliding down a Snowy Mountain trying not to Fall Over. There are Lots and Lots of Persons sliding down the Snowy Mountain with her trying not to Fall Over or to Crash Into each other. Strange.

My steps into the Field were white and slippery this morning and I almost Slid Down them. Here is Marmite at the top of the Slippery Steps.

Thursday, February 01, 2007


My Person has been Neglecting me and she's been Neglecting Monty the Mont and she has been Neglecting Marmite.

Person has just had something called a Grand Child.

A Human Baby is a very Tiny Person that Cries a lot. Person came home Smelling of a very nice Smell. Human Baby. Lovely Louise and Luke have a Girl Baby (only a Girl Dog is called a bitch) and her name is Elle.

Tomorrow Person is going to see Max again. Max is the dog that can't stop going Round and Round and Round. Person has been speaking to other Dog Listeners and she knows what to DO now. If Max's Persons can DO this Thing with Max, then he may be Saved.

When Max was a baby his Mother, who was a bitch, must have loved him too.