Thursday, April 26, 2007

Isolated from The Pack

Person came home smelling of Italian Spinone yesterday evening.

Italian Spinone didn't smell like Green Pasta though. It smelt of Big Puppy called Monty. But Monty Spinone doesn't look like Monty the Mont at all. Monty Spinone is Pale Grey. Monty the Mont is Black.

Monty Spinone has Very Big Feet which means he will grow into a Very Big Dog.

Person also came home smelling of Dexter who lives with Monty Spinone. Dexter is a Flatcoat Retriever and he is Black (just like Monty the Mont).

Dexter once saw some Persons having a Picnic in a Field. I would love a Picnic in a Field. Dexter came back with two Ham Sandwiches. Picnic Persons were standing up and shouting.

Person Dog Listener has been to see Dexter, so when Dexter gets Too Big for his Boots he is ISOLATED from The Pack. He goes into the Kitchen All By Himself for a little while. When Monty Spinone gets Too Big for his Boots he will be ISOLATED from the Pack for a minute in the Study.

Monty Spinone needs Very Big Boots because he has Very Big Feet.

When I get Too Big for my Boots I am ISOLATED from The Pack in the Hall. Then I go into the Bedroom because the door doesn't shut and I eat Tissues from the Bin.

I know that Person won't ISOLATE me from The Pack for long, even though she is a Dog Listener.

Person Loves me really.

Anyway, Person doesn't trust me in the Bedroom.

Here is a Dog Sandwich- Me with Marmite and Monty the Mont.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Failing to Comply

Person had a letter from Cambridgeshire Constabulary.

The letter says Person Failed to Comply with the Speed Limit. This is the SECOND time Person has Failed to Comply with the Speed Limit.

Person can only Fail to Comply with the Speed Limit one more time. If she Fails to Comply with the Speed Limit MORE than one more time, then there will be No More Dog Listening.

If Person did NO More Dog Listening, then Person could take me out for HUNTING, SNIFFING and MARKING instead. She could take out Monty the Mont, and Marmite too.

Persons don't Go Marking and Persons don't Go Sniffing. They just do 'Walks' because they 'feel like it' because the sun is shining.


Person is Not Happy with me today. I Failed to Comply with Person's Garden Limits.

When Person was out Dog Listening I made another HOLE in the fence. So now Person is now IGNORING ME for a..l o n g..t i m e.

Anyway, if Person keeps on Failing to Comply with the Speed Limit, Person can't go out Dog Listening any more and I shall not make HOLES in the fence any more.

I am trying to have a Very SORRY and COMPLIANT Look on my Face.

Here is Noola with Dizzy. Dizzy has a Very RESIGNED Look on her Face. Perhaps Noola is Failing to Comply with Dizzy's Patience Limits.

Here is George who Person did Dog Listening with yesterday.

George has a Very SMUG Look on his Face because George is Failing to Comply with Person's Dog Listening Limits.

George is now sitting in Person's chair. Person gently pushed George away all evening and Ignored him.

But then Person stood up.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Jumping Jack Russell

Yesterday my Person came home smelling of a Jack Russell called Champ.

Poor Champ Jumps Up in the Air to catch flies, or Runs round and round in circles, even when there are no flies. He just Can't Stop himself from Jumping Up in the Air and Running round and round in circles.

Person called Champ Come and Person gave him one of her Special Dog Listening Treats. Then Champ started Jumping Up in the Air again.

Here is a picture of Champ trying to catch a fly.

Champ's Person now understands how to help Champ. Soon he will be able to Lie About and Chill.

I am now Lying About and Chilling on the door mat in the sun, with Monty the Mont and with Marmite.

Person keeps her Special Dog Listening Treats in a plastic tub in her Dog Listening bag.

Yesterday Person left her Dog Listening bag on the floor. I could smell Special Dog Listening Treats through the plastic tub.

Anyway, Person found another plastic tub and some more Special dog Listening treats.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Not to say NO to your dog

Person is trying Something New when she goes out Dog Listening.

She is saying, TRY NOT TO SAY 'NO' to your Dog for Two Whole Weeks.

Person never says 'NO' to me, nor to Monty the Mont nor to Marmite. She does sometimes make a warning noise though, uh-uh, or she may give me a Loooong Look.(He-Person often shouts 'NO' at us though, especially when he is watching Sport on TV and we're trying to Play).

Sasha the Rottie Puppy's Persons are going to TRY NOT TO SAY NO to Sasha. They could call Sasha Come instead and they will say Good Girl if she comes away from the NO thing. Sasha's Persons may gently lead Sasha away from the No thing. But if Sasha won't then come away from the NO thing she will be put somewhere All By Herself for a little while.

Person came home smelling of Chocolate Labrador yesterday. Lola is Chocolate Labrador mixed with something else and she is six months old. Lola has three Child Persons to Play with. I would like to play with Lola. But Lola would never be able to catch me. I am a Streamlined Racing Hound.

Lola's Persons are going to TRY NOT TO SAY 'NO' to Lola, but to call Lola Come instead. They will say Good Girl if she comes away from the No thing. If Lola doesn't come away from the No thing she will be put somewhere All By Herself for a little while.

Anyway, here I am, a Streamlined Sleeping Hound.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Rottie Puppy

This morning Person said to He-Person Your mobile isn't in the Field. What she really meant was Pip didn't take your mobile, see?

Love Me Tender Love Me True was coming from He-Person's mobile - from Upstairs. (Upstairs is where He-Person was shouting BLOODY REF at the TV yesterday while She-Person was out Dog Listening).

Person came home smelling Very Interesting Indeed. She smelt of Puppy. A Rottweiller Puppy called Sasha. I sniffed Person's Shoe Lace for a Long Time because it smelt of Rottie Puppy Chewing.

Sasha has Two SPOTS. they are little Brown Spots, one over each of her Eyes.

Sasha does three things mostly. She sleeps, she plays, and she Grabs Trouser Legs. Sometimes she makes Little Holes in the trousers. Sometimes she Grabs Person Skin too.

When Sasha is asleep she looks like a Little Angel. When Sasha is Awake she is sometimes like a Little Devil.

Now Sasha's Persons are IGNORING her when Sasha is Naughty. Sometimes they put her OUT All By Herself. Sometimes they WALK RIGHT OUT and leave Sasha All Alone. Sasha doesn't like being All Alone, though she may Pretend she doesn't mind.

Soon Sasha will Stop Grabbing Trouser Legs. Soon Sasha will be a Very Happy Rottie Puppy. Soon Sasha's Persons will be Very Happy Persons and soon Sasha's Boy-Person James will be able to Play with Sasha again.

Anyway, if Sasha saw He-Person's mobile she would have taken it away to Chew, like I chewed the Remote Control once. But that is because she is only a Puppy.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Mobile Phone

He-Person has lost his Mobile Phone.

He-Person says he left his Mobile Phone on the chair.

She-Person was out Dog Listening again. He-Person was watching Sport on TV and he was doing a lot of shouting BLOODY REF. When He-Person watches Sport on TV he does NOT Watch me. He does NOT watch Monty the Mont and he does NOT watch Marmite.

When She-Person came home I heard her saying I don't suppose it's OUTSIDE in the field. Tomorrow morning when it's light Persons will look to see if He-Person's Mobile Phone is in our field. I shall be Very Quiet and Very Good tomorrow morning. (I always get the blame - like I did with the Remote Control).

Anyway, Person saw another SPOTTY Dog today. But this SPOTTY Dog was ENORMOUS. Lots and LOTS of BLACK SPOTS and a Very Big SAD Face. He is called Tarquin. Tarquin's SPOTS are SO BIG they run into other SPOTS. He is the BIGGEST SPOTTY DOG that Person has Ever Seen.

I still have never seen a SPOTTY Dog. Only Spotty Persons. The ENORMOUS SPOTTY Dog was called Tarquin. Here he is:

Sunday, April 01, 2007


My Person went to see a Chocolate Labrador today. He is called Cadbury. At first Person Ignored Cadbury because she is a Dog Listener. Then she taught him to Walk Nicely next to her. He had never Walked Nicely next to a Person before.

I don't Always Walk Nicely next to Person. So she STOPS. Then she Changes Direction. Marmite doesn't always walk Nicely next to Person. Monty the Mont doesn't always Walk Nicely next to Person either. Monty likes to LUNGE at the telegraph pole.

Cadbury is smaller than Marmite. And THINNER.

My Person went to a Wedding yesterday. Neighbour-From-Heaven's First-Born called Vicky was Getting Married.

Getting Married is something Persons do. They are meant to Get Married and Live Happily Ever After, then they can make Baby Persons.

Ole is a Daddy but he didn't get Married before helping to make Baby Dogs.

Anyway, I can't help to make Baby Dogs because I have had The Operation. Can I still get to Live Happily Ever After though?

Here is a picture of Cadbury with Dollar who is a Jack Russell.