Monday, January 29, 2007


Person took me Down the Track for a Walk yesterday all by myself. (She was messing about Changing Direction and all that. Still, I just went along with it).

Person Let me OFF LEAD and I Ran and Ran, I Jumped down the Bank, and I sniffed in Badger Holes.

When Person Called me a Came Back to her Straight Away.

Person took Monty the Mont for a Walk yesterday all by himself. Monty the Mont had to Change Direction more than I did because he was TOO EAGER to get to the Track and he Pulled.

Person let Monty the Mont OFF LEAD and he Ran ahead, then he Ran back to Person, then he Ran ahead, then he Ran back to Person. He kept Stopping to Sniff and to Mark the Spot.

When Person Called him Monty the Mont Came Back to her Straight Away.

Person took Marmite for a Walk yesterday all by herself. Marmite didn't Pull much. She just Waddled along.

Person let Marmite OFF LEAD and she didn't Waddle. She RAN. She Ran ahead. She had her Nose to the Ground and she kept going. (Marmite was Following the Scent of the Staffie I had met on my Walk earlier).

When Person called M A R M I T E, Marmite didn't Come. Marmite was disappearing into the distance, Sniffing.

Person thought OK then and she turned around and started to go back home. She looked over her shoulder but Marmite had disappeared.

Person then did something she tells other people not to do. She turned around and went after Marmite. Person could see Marmite in the distance, wandering back. Marmite had thought she had better see where Person had got to.

So Person Waited.

When Marmite got back to her Person said are you Deaf,Marmite?

When Person and Marmite got back Home, Person said to He-Person I think Marmite is Deaf. He-Person said Rubbish.

Marmite liked eating snow the other day.

Sunday, January 28, 2007


Buster, the Boxer has stopped his Horrible Habit!

Buster's Person is starting to love him now. She is not going to Give Buster Away any more.

My Person would never Give ME Away, she would never Give Marmite Away and she would never Give Monty the Mont Away. None of us do the Horrible Habit. YUK

Person's dog Listening showed Buster's Person how to be Calm when he had done his Horrible Habit. To PRETEND to take no notice. Buster likes being Shouted At and Scolded when he's Bored. It is lots of Attention. Lots of Attention is Fun.

Buster now knows there is no point in doing his Horrible Habit because his Person doesn't take any notice of it any more. And she gives him Lots of Attention when he does NOT do his Horrible Habit.

Anyway, I am a Lucky Dog because I never get Bored. I have Monty the Mont to Scrap with. Marmite can't be bothered with Scrapping. Marmite doesn't want to play the 'Who's the Top Dog?' game.

If we ever do get a bit Bored we Dig Holes in the Field. Digging Holes in the Field is Fun.

Here is another picture of me Scrapping with Monty the Mont. We are only PRETENDING. I would not want to really Hurt Monty the Mont and Monty would never want to really Hurt me.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Tail Chasing

Yesterday Person came home smelling of a German Shepherd. I could smell that he was a very Mixed Up German Shepherd.

His name is Max.

Max has a Habit that he Can't Stop. He does this Habit nearly all the time.

You know when Max is going to start his Habit. He Sniffs his Tail. Then he starts going Round and Round and Round and Round in Circles, Chasing his Tail. Chewing his Tail. He has very little hair on his Tail now.

Max goes Round and Round and Round whenever there is any Noise. Max goes Round and Round and Round whenever Persons talk a little loudly. Max goes Round and Round and Round whenever he's off lead out on a Walk. Sometimes Max goes Round and Round and Round for no reason at all.

This is driving his Persons MAD.

Sometimes I go Round and Round and Chase my Tail. This is when I can't get Monty the Mont or Marmite to Chase me in the Field.

Poor Max lived in Rescue Kennels for 6 months and he's only one year old. Person says Max Can't Cope yet with being part of a pack, so she is teaching Max's Persons Dog Listening so that they can Help him. Max's Persons will try not to shout STOP any more when he goes Round and Round and Round. Each time he goes Round and Round they will say nothing at all. They will hold him gently for a minute, or when he goes Round and Round they will call him to them and speak kindly to him. They will keep him Calm.

Max is a Lucky Dog now because he has Persons who Love him. His Persons are learning how to show Max that they are the Alpha Wolves. They will make all the Decisions. They will look after him. Max need not Worry any more.

Soon Max will Stop going Round and Round and Chasing and Chewing his Tail.

When I went OUTSIDE yesterday morning it was SNOWING! Here I am trying to make Monty the Month Chase me.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Cats and Dogs

Persons who have Dogs Live for Loooooonger than Persons who have Cats.

That's True. They said so on The News.

I know why this is. Persons with Cats can Sit About all day because when Cats want to go OUTSIDE they just go out through a Cat Flap.

Persons with Dogs can't Sit About all day. They have to GET UP out of their chairs when Dogs want to go OUTSIDE because most dogs don't have a Cat Flap.

So every time I want to go OUTSIDE it is helping Person to Live Longer. Every time Monty the Mont wants to go OUTSIDE it is helping Person to Live Longer. Every time Marmite wants to go OUTSIDE it is helping Person to Live Longer.

Sometimes I think Person doesn't want to Live for a Long Long time. Person no longer lets us OUT every time we ask to go OUTSIDE. She doesn't let us IN every time we ask to come INSIDE. One evening before she started Dog Listening, Person GOT UP out of her chair to open the Door TWENTY SEVEN TIMES.

So Dog Listening and Understanding Dogs may be making Person's Life Shorter.

It's nice to know that each time we get Person out of her chair it will help her to Live for Longer
I wonder whether Persons have tried Understanding Cats? Are there any Cat Listeners? I think Persons may not so easily win the 'Who's the Alpha Lion?' game with a Cat!

Anyway, I shall keep chasing Cats. It will help ME to Live for Longer.

Monty the Mont still thinks he is TOP DOG. I want to be TOP DOG now. We are always Scrapping to see who can WIN the 'Who's the Top Dog?' game. Person has to GET UP to send us OUTSIDE whenever we are Scrapping in the house, so my Scrapping with Monty the Mont helps Person Live for Longer.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Little Dogs

Person has been doing Dog Listening with some Little Dogs.

On Friday she saw a Jack Russell who lives with another little Terrier. Little Terrier is a Very Frightened Little Dog. He is Frightened by lots of things. He tries to Climb the Walls and Curtains when he is Frightened, he Cries and he Shakes and he Foams at the Mouth.

His Persons are learning to Understand Dogs and to help little Terrier.

Then yesterday Person went to see two little Westies and a very little Powder Puff. Powder Puff is a dog really. One of the Westies tried to Nip my Person when she went in their gate!

These three little dogs have a Big Responsibility. They think they have to Guard the House all by themselves. They think they have to Guard the Garden all by themselves. They think they have to Guard their Persons all by themselves.

Their Persons always do just what the Two Westies tell them to do. The Two Westies do just what the Powder Puff tells them to do. Powder Puff thinks she is the Queen.

Not for much longer!

Today Person is going to see another Little Dog. He is a Terrier too. I hope he doesn't nip Person when she goes in the gate.

My Person NEVER does what I tell her to do. Person never does what Marmite tells her to do. Person never does what Monty the Mont tells her to do. (Sometimes Monty the Mont tries to tell Person do what to do. Monty the Mont likes to Leap About and to Get in Front and Control Person. She is having none of that!)

Anyway, I might have some Very Good News soon. Another Dog Listener Person is going to see Briony. Bryony is the Grey Greyhound in the Rescue Kennels that I told you about a while ago. I was born in the Rescue Kennels. If the Dog Listener adopts Bryony she will have another Greyhound to live with, and a Person who Understands Dogs, and she will be a Very Very Lucky Dog just like me.

Here is a picture of me and here is a picture of Briony.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Power Cut

We had a Power Cut today. It was because of the Wind.

Another Very Windy Day. Person says we go SILLY when it's Windy

Person couldn't make the house LIGHT. So, when the sun went down which made it Dark and Cold, we all went to bed. (Well....Sofa).

Person came home very late yesterday and she smelt of German Shepherd.

The German Shepherd is called Bailey. He is only one year old.

Bailey has only lived with his new Persons for two weeks. Bailey's Persons have had lots of German Shepherds so Bailey is a Very Lucky Dog to have been saved by his new Persons.

Because in his old home Bailey was left alone for Hours and Hours every day, Bailey hasn't learnt How to be a Member of a Pack. I wouldn't like to be left alone for Hours and Hours. Marmite wouldn't like to be left alone for Hours and Hours and Monty the Mont wouldn't like to be left alone at all.

So Bailey is trying Very Very hard to DO HIS JOB. He thinks his Job is to make Decisions, to decide who comes INTO his house, to decide who goes OUT of his house, to control doorways, to control Walks, to attack Traffic, to protect everybody and to be in control of their other Shepherd, Millie. In fact Bailey thinks it's his JOB and his RESPONSIBILITY to have the POWER to be in charge of EVERYTHING.

Bailey is already a very Lucky Dog because his Persons love him so much they are now learning Dog Listening to show Bailey that they are the Alpha Wolves....and not Bailey.

Bailey is having a Power Cut.

Soon Bailey can relax and just be a Happy Dog.

Anyway, here is a picture of the Power Cut.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Dog Listeners don't get Cross

It's not very nice weather for Dogs. Rain Rain Rain.

It's nice weather for Ducks. Monty the Mont picked up a dead pigeon yesterday. He brought it back to He-Person because he's a Labrador Retriever. The Pigeon had its head missing. I think Monty the Mont ate it.

Chloe's Person wipes Chloe's feet before she can go into her house. My Person would have TWELVE feet to wipe so she Mops the Floor instead.

Person has been talking to the lady with Buster the Boxer who has the Horrible Habit. Buster is going to the vet tomorrow for Tests to see if he has Something Wrong with him. Buster's Person wants to GET RID of Buster now. Poor Buster.

My Person will never Get Rid of me, she will never Get Rid of Monty the Mont and she will never Get Rid of Marmite. She Loves us. But then, we don't have the Horrible Habit.

Person is getting Cross with me and she's getting Cross with Monty the Mont and Cross with Marmite today.

I try to remind her that Dog Listeners DON'T GET CROSS. Dog Listeners KEEP CALM.

Person is getting Cross with us because we are SCRAPPING Indoors. Person keeps sending us OUTSIDE, go and do that outside. Then we come back in again with Dirty Feet. Then Person must Mop the Floor. Then we start SCRAPPING again.

Anyway, we don't like SCRAPPING in the Rain so we're SCRAPPING in the Kennel instead.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Dopey Tablets

Person took us each for a Stop Start Change Direction walk yesterday, and do you know who was best?

Monty the Mont! Perhaps it won't be long before Monty the Mont lets Person win the 'Who's the Alpha Wolf' game.

Person came home today smelling of Jack Russell.

Person came home today feeling sad. When she went in the house Jack Russell had a Muzzle over his nose and mouth. He had a Muzzle so he couldn't Bite.

Jack Russell had a chain lead on his collar. He had a chain lead so his Person could grab hold of him.

And poor Jack Russell was Dopey because he was Drugged. He was Drugged to Keep Him Quiet.

Jack Russell's Person said Jack Russell may have to be PUT DOWN. Put Down?

I don't like being PICKED UP. I like to Stand and to Walk and I like to Run. My Person finds me heavy to pick up so she doesn't have to PUT ME DOWN. She can't pick up Monty the Mont and she can't pick up Marmite at all. But Jack Russell is small and light.

Person IGNORED Jack Russell just like she IGNORES me. Soon he came and lay down next to her.

Person asked for his Lead and Muzzle to be removed. Jack Russell came back to lie down next to her and she still IGNORED him. He was Very Dopey.

Jack Russell is going to stop having Dopey Tablets. His Person is going to try Dog Listening instead.

I don't Bite and I don't need a Muzzle. Monty the Mont doesn't bite and doesn't need a Muzzle. Marmite doesn't bite either and she doesn't need a Muzzle.

Anyway, I would need a lot of Dopey Tablet to make me dopey. So would Monty the Mont. Marmite wouldn't need quite so much Dopey Tablet to make her dopey because she is a little bit dopey already.

Here is Marmite under Person's desk trying to eat the bookmark hanging down from Person's diary. She couldn't do that if she had a Muzzle.

Saturday, January 13, 2007


Person was wrong about the Sheltie. Sheltie doesn't Bite. Sheltie Barks. At Everything.

I don't Bark at Everything, nor does Marmite. But we both Bark at Monty the Mont who is doing his LAST STAND which means he is Barking for Attention again.

When Monty the Mont Barks for Attention Person puts him OUTSIDE and pulls down the blind so he can't see Persons, he can't see Marmite and he can't see me. She calls that ISOLATING HIM FROM THE PACK. He doesn't like that so he then Barks to come in. Person doesn't let him in until he has Stopped Barking.

Soon Monty the Mont will have lost Person's 'Who's the Alpha Wolf' game.

Sheltie Barks when his Person picks up his lead. He Pulls her down the road Barking all the time, and he Barks at Children and he Barks at other Dogs and he Barks at Balls and he Barks at Bicycles and he Barks at people Wearing Hoods.

Now when Sheltie Barks when his Person picks up the lead she is going to put it down again and Do Something Else. He won't go OUT at all until he isn't Barking.

Sheltie is going to Lose the 'Who's the Alpha Wolf' game too.

Here is a picture of Monty the Mont Barking at Magic to Get Attention when he was a Puppy.

Friday, January 12, 2007

A Horrible Habit

Person came home smelling of Cocker Spaniel yesterday.Person came home smelling of Boxer today. She will come home smelling of Sheltie tomorrow.

She is visiting Dogs and doing Dog Listening. She is visiting Persons to show them how to be Alpha Wolves.

The Boxer is only a puppy and he has a Horrible Habit. Anyway, Persons say it's a Horrible Habit. My Person says the Boxer will stop his Horrible Habit soon. I have never had this Horrible Habit, nor has Monty the Mont nor has Marmite.

The Cocker Spaniel bit a little girl and Person says it's because the Cocker believes she is The Boss and the little girl didn't do what the Cocker Spaniel told her.

The Sheltie bites too. Person says it will also be because he thinks he is The Boss.


I know my Place now. Marmite knows her Place now. Monty the Mont nearly knows his Place.

Anyway, here is a picture of Monty saying Hello to Marmite.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Monty's Last Stand

I have decided I quite like Person being a Dog Listener. Marmite has decided she quite likes Person being a Dog Listener.

I am happy to go along with Person Pretending to be an Alpha Wolf for now. He-Person hasn't said That Bloody Pip for a long time. He hasn't said That Flaming Marmite for a long time. He still says You're a Lovely Boy Mont but that's because Monty the Mont is He-Person's Favourite.

Person says Monty the Mont is making his LAST STAND. Monty the Mont is Upping his Game. He is trying even harder now to be Top Dog.

When I lie down on the floor Monty STANDS OVER me. He is saying to me I'M THE BOSS. When Marmite lies down on the floor Monty STANDS OVER her. He is saying to her I'M THE BOSS.

When we come in from OUTSIDE Monty the Mont comes through the door First. Then me. Then Marmite.

Monty the Mont doesn't want to Play Person's Game of 'Who's the Alpha Wolf?'

Monty the Mont is trying to push through the door IN FRONT of Person! When he does that she turns around and waits until he is behind her. Then she goes through the door.

Monty the Mont has begun to Throw himself at the door when he's OUTSIDE and wants to come in, instead of waiting patiently like he used to do, and like Marmite does and like I do apart from my sad little noises.

So, Person is doing extra Gesture Eating especially for Monty the Mont. Person is doing special Stop Start Change Direction walks with Monty the Mont. Person IGNORES Monty the Mont unless she calls him to her.

Today I am going to Person Training (Dog Training ha ha) to see Linsey Trainer Person. Marmite is going to Person Training too.

Monty the Mont will stay in the car this time. He will go to Person Training again when Person has WON the 'Who's the Alpha Wolf?' game. I wonder how long it will take for her to win.

Anyway, I might see Minto and I might see Abbey this afternoon.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Marmite and Monty the Mont think it's Tea Time.

Another Dog Listener

Becky-Dog-Listener came to our house this morning. Yes, another Dog Listener.

Because Becky is a Dog Listener, when she came in she IGNORED us of course. Well, she tried to IGNORE us.

I Jumped Up. Person put me OUTSIDE. But while Person was putting me OUTSIDE Monty the Mont was Jumping Up. Person put Monty OUTSIDE with me and while she was putting him OUTSIDE Marmite was Jumping Up.

We needed to stand on our Hind Legs to say Hello to Becky because Becky is Very Tall.

Person said to Becky-Dog-Listener they don't usually do that any more. I don't think Becky believed her though.

We did come INSIDE again, but started Scrapping with each other, so we went OUTSIDE again.

Anyway, we did eventually come INSIDE and settle down on the rug. Person and Becky were just doing a lot of talking. About Dogs.

Then when Becky left we didn't even get up to say Goodbye.


Sunday, January 07, 2007

Boxing and Lurching

Yesterday Person came home smelling of Buster who is a Boxer.

I liked Boxing Day. Boxing Day was better than Christmas Day because Ole and Tally came to play with me and Monty the Mont and with Marmite.

Today Person came home smelling of Ozzy who is a Lurcher like me. Ozzy is mostly dark grey. He looks like a grey Greyhound.

If there's a Boxing Day, is there a Lurching Day too? I don't lurch. I run Very Fast when Marmite and Monty the Mont are chasing me. (Artist-Neighbour-From-Heaven did a bit of lurching on Christmas evening).

Ozzy looks like poor Bryony who is the Greyhound in the Rescue Kennels Person goes to. She is Grey. A Grey Greyhound. She is only three years old and she is Very Gentle.

Bryony would like to curl up on a Sofa in a Person's warm house. Bryony has a cold wet nose just like mine and just like Ozzy's. Bryony's little bit of field is now all Muddy and Cold so she has to go inside all by herself to keep Warm. You can see a picture of Bryony if you click here.

Ozzy's Persons Love him. Ozzy's Persons Look After him. At the moment Ozzy is thinking that he must Look After His Persons. Ozzy lives in a warm house just like me and just like Marmite and just like Monty the Mont.

Ozzy's Persons are now doing Dog Listening with him. Soon Ozzy will be Very Gentle just like poor Bryony who is in the Rescue Kennels.

This is me with one of my old bones. Person says our garden looks like an ancient burial site.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Newspaper Article

There was a Picture of Me in the newspaper yesterday, and Monty the Mont and Marmite.

Oh...and Person was in the Picture too.

The newspaper said Person was like Supernanny for Dogs.

Person now has Three More Dog Owners to go and do Dog Listening with. There is a Bichon Frise, a Boxer and a Lurcher. I'm a Lurcher. Person does Dog Listening with me.

Person will go to the Dog Owners' houses and Talk About Wolves.

This afternoon Person will visit the Boxer Owner. The Boxer's name is Buster. Buster is only 7 months old. He Jumps Up all the time, and he Barks and Barks when he is left alone. Just like Monty the Mont before Person started her Dog Listening.

Dog Listening is really called Amichien Bonding. I think this is French. Chien is French for Dog.

Anyway, Tobi who is from Costa Rica is giving me Spanish Lessons. Perro is Spanish for Dog. I say Woof Woof and Tobi says Guau Guau. Guau Guau sounds like Gooaoo Gooaoo.

Hasta La Vista Baby (Person keeps saying Hasta la Vista Baby and it is sooooooo ANNOYING).


Thursday, January 04, 2007

The (Nearly) Great Escape

I had just finished making IT large enough for Monty the Mont and Marmite to get THROUGH as well.

IT took me a long time. I had to do IT while Person wasn't looking.

Once THROUGH, Monty the Mont, Marmite and I were going to squeeze behind the shed. Then we would be out the front where the cars are.

We would then go for a Walk without taking Person with us. And we could all go TOGETHER - me, Marmite and Monty the Mont. No Changing Direction all the time. Just Stopping and Sniffing and Marking wherever we like.

I knew Person had DISCOVERED IT when she said to He-Person Pip has made a hole in the fence and they can get out behind the shed. He-Person said stop them then. She-Person said how? He-Person said by telling them. She-Person said are you serious? I heard He-Person muttering anything for a quiet life.

So my Person put Mesh over our Escape Route. She put Mesh behind the Shed also in case I started a new one while she wasn't looking.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Doing Other Things

Person is taking her Dog Listening Very Seriously.

She always Eats something before putting our Bowls down because she thinks she's an Alpha Wolf now. She calls this Gesture Eating.

Alpha Wolf? I wasn't fooled. I told her I wasn't fooled by walking away from my Bowl without eating anything and Doing Other Things. Person then would just take my Bowl away.

Well, Person has now Called My Bluff.

When we are all excited because we think it should be Breakfast Time or Tea Time Person just Does Other Things. She carries on Doing Other Things until we have settled down.

Then some time later when she feels like it Person feeds us. Perhaps she is an Alpha Wolf after all.

And I always Eat my food now. Quickly.

Person is also taking us for Road Walks each day. She takes me all by myself. She takes Marmite by herself and then she takes Monty the Mont all by himself.

Monty the Mont usually goes last because each time Person picks up his lead he starts to Prance and Jump about. So Person just puts the lead back and Does Other Things. Sometimes she has to Do Other Things three or four times before Monty the Mont stops Prancing and goes out Quietly.

Each time I Pull and try to Get Ahead Person just STOPS. Then she Starts Again and Changes Direction. We have now got as far as the house with white gate posts before Person turns around and comes home again. It takes Monty the Mont a long time to get to the house with white gate posts because Person keeps having to Stop and Change Direction.

Monty the Mont usually spoils it all by Lunging at the Telegraph Pole on the corner for a Sniff and to Mark the Spot.

So, another of Person's New Year Resolutions is to have all three of us Walking down the road with her, with Loose Leads and no Pulling or Lunging at Telegraph Poles.

Anyway, it's only Day Three of the New Year and we know what happened to Person's No Sofa Resolution. We know what happened to Person's Eat Only Fruit During the Day and then Sensible Evening Meal Resolution. Will her All Three Dogs Walking Down the Road Together Nicely Resolution actually happen, do you think?

And here are Marmite and Monty the Mont trying to Kill me again.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


You know where I slept last Night? You've Guessed It.

On the Sofa.

I'm Understanding now about Person's New Year Resolutions. Person said she was going to eat only Fruit during the Daytime and then Something Sensible for Dinner.

Anyway, I saw her eating a Kit-Kat. Kit-Kats have Chocolate. If Person was a real Alpha Wolf she would by now have Increased Urination and Seizures.

Here's another Picture of Monty the Mont and Marmite Killing me:

Ole and Tally

Here is a picture of Ole and Tally who came to play with me and Marmite and Monty the Mont yesterday in our Field.
Tally has Longer Legs than Ole, but Ole is Heavier than Tally.
Tally and Ole both DART ABOUT Quickly.

Monday, January 01, 2007

New Year's Day

Today is the first day of the New Year. We've not been up on the Sofa.....yet.

I think New Year's Day was even better then Christmas Day! So does Monty the Mont and so does Marmite.

Marmite and Monty the Mont had just been Pretending to Kill me like they often do, when we had a Big Surprise. There, at our side gate, were Ole and Tally!

We quickly all charged down into our Field and we Chased and Chased and we Played and Played and we Barked and Barked and we pretended to Fight. Ole was Very Brave and only sometimes hid under my Look-Out Table which I stand on to see the World. Tally was Very Brave too until she leapt onto her Person's lap.

Ole and Tally are quite small. They are 7 months old and they are Brother and Sister. They are Patterdale Terriers. Ole and Tally are Very Strong and Very Quick.

Ole and Tally DART ABOUT.

I was a Very Happy Dog Playing with Ole and Tally. Marmite was a Very Happy Dog Playing with Ole and Tally. Even Monty the Mont was a Very Happy Dog Playing with Ole and Tally. He wasn't On the Defensive at all.

Anyway, I can still run Fastest in a straight line.

So it has been a Happy New Year's Day.

Here is a Picture of me being Killed by Monty the Mont and Marmite.