Saturday, December 30, 2006


There is one SOFA DAY left before New Year.

NO MORE SOFA is Person's New Year Resolution, Not my New Year Resolution. Not Monty the Mont's New Year Resolution and certainly not Marmite's.

My New Year Resolution is SLEEP ON SOFA.

I'm not quite sure about Years. I'm not sure about Weeks and I'm not sure about Days.

Person often says Wait a Minute. I understand Wait. I don't understand Minute. I don't understand TIME.

I live for the PRESENT.

Which reminds me, Person hasn't given me back my Squeaky Toy with Spots yet that I got for Christmas.

I can't do PHILOSOPHICAL very well though I do try sometimes. I am Philosophical about having to WAIT for Monty the Mont to get off my place on the SOFA.

Anyway, here is a Philosophical Quote from someone who really Understands Dogs:

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives." ~ Sue Murphy


Friday, December 29, 2006

New Year Resolution

Here I am (on the Sofa) with Hannawannah's foot on my head.

I look like a Mad Dog.

In two days' time it will be a New Year. Person says you make Resolutions at New Year.

Person says my New Year Resolution and Monty the Mont's New Year Resolution and Marmite's New Year Resolution will be NO MORE SOFA.

Oh yes?

Anyway, that means we have Two Sofa Days Left.


Thursday, December 28, 2006


Chocolate is Bad For Dogs.

Chocolate smells nice.

Hannawannah had Chocolates for Christmas, but she didn't give me one.

Person found out that the first signs of Chocolate Poisoning are Vomiting and Diarrhea, Increased Urination and Nausea. These can progress to Cardiac Arrhythmias and Seizures.


Marmite is a Chocolate Labrador. Marmite has quite frequent Urination. She is Chocolate colour but she can't eat Chocolate. If Marmite ate Chocolate she might end up with even more Urination, Cardiac Arrhythmias and Seizures. I wouldn't like that because I love Marmite.

My Person helped at the Rescue Kennels again today. She helped Clean the Kennels out. There was a lot of Urination there.

Anyway, there is good news because Nemo who is Deaf has gone to live with new Persons. He was in his New Home in time for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Squeaky Toys

On the Sofa? ME?

Neighbours from Heaven gave us Squeaky Toys with Spots for Christmas.

Today we Played with our Squeaky Toys with Spots until Marmite KILLED hers so it didn't Squeak any more.

Then Persons put away the two Squeaky Toys with Spots and the Dead Toy which didn't Squeak any more.

I Liked Christmas and I Liked BOXING Day. I like it when different Persons come to see us.

When Persons came they mostly IGNORED us though. Sometimes, just when I was Ignoring them and I had settled down for a quiet Doze they would call me over for a Cuddle and a Fuss.

Monty the Mont was called over for a Cuddles and a Fusses and so was Marmite. Then we all wanted Fusses and Cuddles at the same time. We got too Excited so we went OUTSIDE.

I Don't Understand Persons.

Anyway, we were Very Good Dogs really.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Boxing Day

It was Christmas Day yesterday.

It's Boxing Day today. BOXING Day?

I had Presents yesterday. I had a Stuffed Bone. Monty the Mont had a Stuffed Bone and so did Marmite.

I had a Squeaky Toy but Person takes it away from me because I always try to kill Squeaky Toys and then they don't Squeak any more. When we all have Squeaky Toys it's Very NOISY.

I carried balls made of of Wrapping Paper about. So did Marmite and so did Monty the Mont. I like balls made of Wrapping Paper.

We had Ten Persons at our house yesterday. In the evening Artist and Sue-Person Neighbours From Heaven came to our house with Tim and Tom. Persons were all Very NOISY. More Noisy than me and Monty the Mont and Marmite with Squeaky Toys.

And all the Persons DRANK a lot. The drink smelt funny and it made me blink.

I Nudged, and I Leant Against and I Pawed and I lay on my Back to GET ATTENTION. So did Marmite and so did Monty the Mont. This was to make Tim and Tom and Artist and Sue-Person make a Fuss of us and Play with us. And for a little while it Worked! But this is NOT ALLOWED. So my Person put us OUTSIDE and when we came back IN we had to go to our Beds.

From my Bed I looked at Neighbours-from-Heaven with my Sad Look so that they would think my Person was Cruel.

All the Persons LAUGHED a lot. They did something called a Quiz. They did More DRINKING.

When Artist Person stood up to go back home I thought he might Fall Over but Sue-Person caught him in time.

It took a long time for Artist-Next-Door to find the hole to put his key in so he could open his front door so they could all get into their house. All the Persons were LAUGHING a lot. Artist was LAUGHING a lot as well.

Persons can be CONFUSING at times.

Anyway, today Person is taking Sarah Bear home to London. Then it will just be He-Person here with Me, Monty the Mont and Marmite.

So, it's BOXING Day today. I think it may be SOFA Day too. It will be FOOTBALL Day. He-Person will watch Football on TV VERY LOUD because my Person will be away in London.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

A New Home

My Person went to Help at the Rescue Kennels again. She says it was Cold, Foggy and Wet at the kennels.

I was born in the Rescue Kennels. I was found a New Home but I became Very Sick and I Nearly Died. And so the Persons didn't want me any more.

So I was RESCUED again by my Person when I was 9 weeks old. It was only going to be until I was Made Better and was Found a Home.

When I was Better Person just kept me.

Here is a picture of Bryony who is a Greyhound and she is in the Rescue Kennels. She is Grey. A Grey Greyhound. She is only three years old and very Loving. I'm very Loving, Monty the Mont is very Loving and so is Marmite.

I managed to creep back on the Sofa again last night. So did Monty and so did Marmite.

Bryony would like to curl up on a Sofa in a Person's warm house. Bryony has a cold wet nose just like mine. Bryony's little bit of field is now all Muddy and Cold so she has to go inside all by herself to keep Warm.

If you know anybody who would Rescue Bryony like my Person Rescued me, please send me a Message (on the right) or email me on

My Person keeps saying she is Very Very Happy to have me. She says she would never take me back to the Rescue Kennels. Not even when I chewed the remote control, or broke the vase, or chewed A Short History of Nearly Everything which was a library book.


Friday, December 22, 2006

Danger in the Night

In the middle of Last Night I heard NOISES OUTSIDE. I heard a Dog Barking as well. Monty the Mont heard Noises too and so did Marmite.

Marmite started with her funny little sound which is like a BARK trapped inside her trying to get out. Then she broke into a loud WOOF. Then I BARKED. Then Monty the Mont BARKED.

Persons used to SHOUT at us if we BARKED in the Night. When Persons SHOUTED while were BARKING it sounded like WA WA WA WA and like they were Joining In.

We knew then that there must be REAL DANGER because Persons were making a lot of EXCITEMENT and NOISE as well.

So then we knew we had to to BARK and BARK even MORE.

But Person has been doing her Dog Listening and she's being an Alpha Wolf. So do you know what happened? We were BARKING in the Middle of the Night and Person got up and she came and THANKED US. Thanked us for BARKING!

We knew then that she had Taken Notice.

Person opened the Door and she went OUTSIDE but without me, or Marmite or Monty the Mont. We watched her through the glass door. She Looked About. She Listened. This is because the Alpha Wolf makes the Decisions in times of Perceived Danger.

Anyway, Person just came back INSIDE without a word. She went back to bed.

We knew then that everything must be Safe and that we didn't need to help her Defend the Pack.

I went back to bed. Monty the Mont went back to bed and Marmite went back to bed. We didn't need to BARK any more.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Rescue Kennels

OUTSIDE is slippery and white. It's so COLD my feet stick to the paving.

My Person went to the Rescue Kennels today. This is where I was born. In the Rescue Kennels there are 40 dogs, and the Person who lived there and looked after them just went away. Suddenly. So my Person is helping.

She came home smelling of Greyhounds and German Shepherds. She also smelt of a Dog called Nemo.

Nemo had been a Very Happy Dog because he was found a New Home. But now he's a Very Sad Dog. The Persons in his New Home took him back to the Rescue Kennels. It was because they Split Up. That must hurt. Do Dogs Split Up I wonder?

Nemo is about 20 months old. Nemo is Deaf. I'm not Deaf - I'm a very good Hearing Dog and I'm a Sight Hound. Dog Listener Persons would Understand Nemo, and Nemo would Understand Dog Listeners. This is because Dog Listeners say Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

My Person says she could have Fallen in Love with Nemo (and also one of the Greyhounds). Person says we can't have any more dogs in our Pack. She has enough Trouble with Me, and with Marmite, and with Monty the Mont. I wonder what she means?

So, Nemo badly needs a New Home. Here is a picture of Nemo:

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


This morning Person saw a Big Grey Rat just ouside the window on the roof of our Big Outside Kennel. It was eating the bird food.

I have been trying to tell Person that there are Rats on our Veranda. Marmite has been trying to tell Person about the Rats and so has Monty the Mont. Person just doesn't LISTEN to us.

First thing each morning we rush about with our noses to the ground. We're telling her that there is Rat Scent by the fence, Rat Scent at the edge of the veranda, Rat Scent in our Big Outside Kennel and Rat Scent across the garden and under the shed.

And she calls herself a Dog Listener?


Monday, December 18, 2006

The Hunt

Person says she is now going to make Walking the Dogs a Pleasure.

I'm not quite sure what Person means. As soon as I think I'm going out for a Walk I get very excited. I find it a Pleasure already.

She's still practising all this Understanding Dogs stuff on us.

So I went for two Little Walks yesterday. Marmite went for two Little Walks yesterday. Monty the Mont nearly didn't get even one Little Walk yesterday. As soon as Person picked up his lead he started to Prance About. So she just put it down again and took Me or Marmite instead.

They were very STRANGE Walks. It took a Very Long Time to go a Very Short Distance. Person kept saying something about THE HUNT and because she's pretending to be an Alpha Wolf she LEADS THE HUNT.

Just as I was thinking 'Ah I know where we are going' Person stopped and turned around and Walked in a different direction.

It took a Long Time to get as far as the corner at the bottom of the road. Each time I felt the collar tighten around my neck Person just Stopped! She didn't speak. She didn't jerk the lead. She just STOPPED.

Then she Started again and Changed Direction again.

We're not going to get anywhere or HUNT anything, let alone Elk, if we keep turning around.

Monty the Mont didn't even get out of the drive on his First Walk. Person just kept going in different directions until Monty the Mont was walking next to her with a loose lead.

Anyway, we never PULL to Get in Front on the way back Home. Person says it's because we know the HUNT is over.


PS. If we Jump Up at the Window Person won't let us IN now.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Long Dog

I'm a Lurcher so I'm a SIGHT Hound. I'm a very good HEARING Hound too. I have just found out that I'm also called a LONG DOG. I am very Looong when I Stretch. I'm also a SKINNY DOG.

Perhaps I'm Skinny because my Person is STARVING me. She picks up my Food Bowl when I walk away from it before I've eaten my Food. I walk away from my Bowl and see if I can get back to it just in time before Person picks it up and takes it away.

I know Person's Games! They all started when she went on that Course on Understanding Dogs.

Person now always Eats Food First herself before putting our Bowls down because she's pretending to be the Alpha Wolf and because Alpha Wolves always Eat Food First. They don't eat Biscuits, though. Alpha Wolves eat Raw Elk Flesh.

But she can't MAKE me Watch her Eating Food First, can she! She Ignores me so I will Ignore her too. Perhaps I might watch Person if she ate Raw Elk Flesh first and not just a Biscuit.

Afterwards I try to tell Person I'm so SKINNY I will STARVE if she doesn't give me my food back, but she doesn't LISTEN to me. And she's supposed to be a Dog Listener now.

Anyway, today Person put a little Milk on my Breakfast and I love Milk. Milk makes Marmite sick. If Person puts Milk on my Breakfast I might just pretend to Play her Games. If she gave me Raw Elk Flesh I would certainly Play her Games.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


It's still Windy.

There are Grass Tassles blowing about.

I have Whiskers. Am I an Airdale? Am I a Chinese Crested Dog? Am I a shaved Cat?


Monty the Mont YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!

Karen Person came to see us this morning.

I nearly Jumped Up but not quite - but Person put me OUTSIDE. Monty the Mont Pranced a little and nearly Jumped Up and Person put him OUTSIDE too. At first Marmite was a Very Good Dog. Then SUDDENLY she JUMPED RIGHT UP onto the sofa next to Karen!

My Person put Marmite OUTSIDE STRAIGHT AWAY.

Very soon Person let us back IN again. We didn't Jump Up.

Karen PUSHED me away gently whilst not looking at me, just like Person told her to. I knew what Karen really wanted was to make a Big Fuss of me.

Then Karen gently PUSHED Monty the Mont away. Then she gently PUSHED Marmite away. Then she Pushed us all Away. We only wanted to Lick Karen's legs. She had some special skin cream on her legs which tasted nice.

Karen just went on talking to my Person. Karen didn't look at me. Karen didn't look at Monty the Mont. Karen didn't look at Marmite.

Person says we were MILLING AROUND Karen and she put us OUTSIDE AGAIN.

The Third time Person let us in we quickly Settled Down.

Marmite lay down first and gave a big SIGH. Monty the Mont then lay down and gave a big SIGH. I went first to have a sniff in Karen's bag and then went to Lie Down. I gave a big SIGH.

After a while Person said Karen could now make a fuss of us if she called us to her. That Spoilt it all.

Karen called to Monty the Mont, but I came as well and so did Marmite. We got Excited. We didn't jump up though.

Anyway, Person just put us OUTSIDE again.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


It's Raining and Raining and the Wind is Blowing and Whooshing.

I am Bored. Monty the Mont is Bored and so is Marmite Bored.

There is No News. Person has been working at her Computer all day, making a new Website and a new Database and doing lots of Typing. She is Setting Up her New Business as a Dog Listener. So I am Bored.

I ate a Pen earlier. Person dropped it on the floor.

I had a little Fight out in the Field with Monty the Mont before it started to Rain. Marmite joined in - she always takes Monty the Mont's side and they both chase at me and BARK at me. I show my TEETH but they don't believe me.

The Wind Blew too much and we came Indoors.

I am just so Bored. Monty the Mont is so Bored. Marmite is so Bored.

Anyway, it's Warm on our Beds in front of the Radiator under Person's desk.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Tobi from Costa Rica

Here are two pictures of My Friend Tobi from Costa Rica, who writes to me in my Blog.

Persons went out to Talk Talk Eat and Drink with Neighbours-from-Heaven yesterday evening.

I only did one naughty thing while Persons were out. I chewed up a Spoon. I didn't jump onto the piano and Break a Vase this time.

My Person Talked to Neighbours-From-Heaven about Wolves and being a Dog Listener. (They did warn her on the Canine Communication Course about becoming a Jan Fennell Bore).

Saturday, December 09, 2006


So, when Person came back from her Course with her Certificate in Advanced Canine Communication we were Very Happy Dogs. Because she didn't Look at us when she came in we were also Very Calm Dogs.

Then she SPOILT it all. She took us to the Person Training ('Dog' Training ha ha) Christmas Party.

We were Very Good Dogs and Very Calm Dogs when we got out of the Car - until we heard lots and lots of BARKING and TALKING and MUSIC coming from our Training Hall.

Monty the Mont was Prancing About. He-Person went ahead with Monty PULLING him.

My She-Person had my lead and she had Marmite's lead. She had to hold on Tight.

I felt Excited. I also felt Scared. Danger? I PULLED so I could get Ahead. Marmite also PULLED so that she could get Ahead.

And Person just STOPPED.

Then she Started again and Changed Direction. She didn't say anything to us at all.

I PULLED again to get Ahead and so did Marmite.

And Person just STOPPED again. Then she Started again and Changed Direction. She didn't say anything to us at all.

I could see that if we carried on like this we would NEVER get to Find Out what was Happening in the Hall.

So then I Walked Very Nicely and Marmite Walked Very Nicely as far as the Door.

There were Lots and Lots and Lots of Dogs, and Lots and Lots and Lots of Persons and lots and lots of Children. I SPRANG FORWARD. Marmite SPRANG FORWARD. I Love Children. Marmite Loves Children. There was Music. I could smell Food. Dogs and Persons and Children were Laughing and Shouting and Barking and Running About and Sitting on different Chairs. We PULLED and we PULLED on our leads.

Monty the Mont then started BARKING and He-Person took him back to the Car. Monty the Mont kept on BARKING in the Car. Monty the Mont always BARKS when he is all by himself in the Car. So He-Person took Marmite back to the Car to keep him company.

My Person said it was BEDLAM.

I played one Game. It was a Sausage game. There was a row of Plates and each had some Sausage on it. I had to run to each plate and eat Sausage as Quickly as possible. I love Sausage. If Person fed me Sausage instead of Dry Neutro I wouldn't Mess About at meal times.

CONFUSING. Lots of Persons I didn't know. Lots of Dogs I didn't know. Lots of Persons I did know and lots of Dogs I did know. I was on my lead so I couldn't Investigate. And for some reason I had Sausages to eat from a row of plates.

Anyway, I did manage to have a quick kiss with Abi the Retreiver who is in my New Class. I love Abi and I love Minto. I couldn't find Minto at the Christmas Party, but I was on my lead so I couldn't have a good look. I said Hello to Person Ann's little Patterdales and to Toby and Bella who are Jack Russells. I said Hello to the Other Monty who is a Whippet. I was a bit unsure of a Big Lassie Dog so a lay on my back to be on the safe side.

I was just beginning to Enjoy Myself when Person took me back to the car. Marmite and Monty the Mont SNIFFED me.


Friday, December 08, 2006

Certificate of Advanced Canine Communication

Person came home yesterday evening with a 'Certificate of Advanced Canine Communication'.

I had not seen Person for Three Whole Days, nor had Marmite and nor had Monty the Mont. She had not see US for three whole days either.

And do you know what? Person came in the door and she IGNORED US!

(I did hear Person saying she was very very pleased with us because we didn't jump around her. We sniffed her (she smelt of Jan Fennells spaniels) and we followed her about but we didn't get excited.

Anyway, soon Person called us to her and made a fuss of us and put our collars on.

Collars on? We're going out somewhere?

Well, she put my collar on and she put Marmite's collar on, but Monty the Mont started to Prance About, so she didn't put Monty the Mont's collar on. She went and sat down at her computer instead.

She then called Monty the Mont to her again and he was quiet while she put on his collar.

Person next fetched our leads but Monty the Mont had forgotten something! He started jumping about and Person put his lead away again. I had to wait in the car and so did Marmite. Then Monty the Mont too came out to the car nice and quietly.

Persons then took us out to the Person Training (Dog Training ha ha) Christmas Party.

Certificate of Advanced Canine Communication????

Well, I'll tell you about the Christmas Party tomorrow!

Here is a picture of my Person and the other new Dog Listeners. Tony who Taught them all is fourth from the left.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

A Message from my Person

Person is still away but she has sent me a message.

Person says she has had Two Days learning how to be a Jan Fennell Dog Listener and she's having a Very Interesting Time and a Very Good Time.

A Very Good Time without Me?

Jan Fennell's son is called Tony Dog Listener. He has been Teaching my Person. This means no more playing Food Games for me or she will pick up my bowl straight away. No more fussing for Marmite when Person calls her and she just stays in bed looking lovely. No more Walks for Monty the Mont while he still Prances About at the door or Lunges.

Persons says she now Understands us even Better (oh dear) and we will be even MORE Happy than before. How can that be?

Person says she will now be Understanding Other People's Dogs too.

Person also tells me she has been doing Role Play. I hope she does some Role Play with me. I would like that. I like Playing and I like Rolls.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Happy Dogs

Person is getting ready to Go Away next week for Three Whole Days.

She should then have a Certificate in Canine Communication and How to be a Dog Listener from Jan Fennell.

Person can then visit the homes of Persons whose Dogs are UNHAPPY. Their Dogs are SO UNHAPPY that they want to BITE Persons and they want to BITE other Dogs and they want to BITE the Chairs and Doors. My Person will show these Persons how to be Alpha Wolves which will make their Dogs more Happy.

I am a very Happy Dog. Marmite is a very Happy Dog. Monty the Mont is a very Happy Dog at Home. He's not always a very Happy Dog when he's OUT when there are other Dogs because he's On the Defensive. He doesn't Bite them but he sometimes GROWLS. And he's a Very UNHAPPY Dog if he's left all by himself in the Car.

But Monty the Mont is Getting Much Better. Person says that it takes some Dogs quite a Long Time to give up the BURDEN of trying to be an Alpha Wolf and thinking that they have to do all the Worrying about Everything.

Anyway, Me - I can't be bothered with all that! Too much Responsibility for me! Just so long as Marmite and Monty the Mont realise that I must always be IN FRONT of them, I'm Happy.

I have to keep showing Monty the Mont who is really the Boss. He thinks he is - ha ha!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Christmas Party

This week was the last Training before Christmas. But next week is our CHRISTMAS PARTY.

There will be Lots and Lots of DOGS. And Lots and Lots of PERSONS. and Lots and Lots of FOOOOOD. I think it will be Person Food though.

Person might not have come back in time so we may be late. She will have been away finishing her Canine Communication and Learning to be an Alpha Wolf Course.

I will Love all the Dogs and all the Persons and all the Food (they might drop some). Marmite will also Love all the dogs and all the Persons and especially all the Food. I don't know about Monty the Mont. Person says 'We Will See'.

Thursday, November 30, 2006


In the Night my Tummy was RUMBLING and I DREAMED about EATING ELK.

I didn't Mess About this morning.

While Person was doing her Pretend Gesture Eating I thought of the Wolf Pack. They may have been Starving but they still had to WAIT and WATCH while the Alpha Wolves Ate First.

So I ate ALL my breakfast (even though it was only Dry Dog Food and not Warm and Bloody ELK flesh).

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


Alpha Wolves always Eat FIRST while all the other Wolves WAIT.

Person is still pretending to be an Alpha Wolf. She Eats a Biscuit before she puts our Bowls down. It's called Gesture Eating.

Person doesn't look at us while she Eats her Biscuit. But we Look at her. We Watch as she takes each SLOW Bite from her Biscuit. She IGNORES us (or she Pretends to). Marmite DROOLS.

This afternoon I thought "I'm not going to play Person's Game this time" so I IGNORED her.

I Sniffed about while Person did Gesture Eating with her Biscuit. I IGNORED her. I Sniffed to see if she had dropped any Bits of Dry Dog Food under the table.

Anyway, Real Wolves don't eat Bits of Dry Dog Food. Certainly not a BISCUIT! Real Alpha Wolves HUNT and KILL animals like Elks and they Eat the Warm and Bloody Flesh. AFTER the Real Alpha Wolves are FULL UP and Fat with Warm and Bloody Elk flesh they let the other Wolves Eat.

At Tea time today when Person put my Bowl down I pretended I was still looking for dropped Dry Dog Food under the table.

Monty the Mont finished all his Tea. Marmite finished her Tea. I did NOT Eat any of my Tea.

So, Person picked up Monty the Mont's Empty Bowl, Marmite's Empty bowl and my FULL Bowl and she took them away. I would have Eaten Elk with Warm and Bloody Flesh.

Last time I played this Game Person gave me my Tea a bit later. By myself. She made a fuss of me. I liked that.

Not this time. She is going to make me WAIT until Breakfast tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Morbidly Obese, and Hugely and Grossly Overweight

Today in the News there's a Chololate Labrador called Rusty. Rusty is in the News because he is MORBIDLY OBESE.

An RSPCA inspector found Rusty to be HUGELY and GROSSLY overweight so he was Taken Away from his Persons in a Van. That will have made poor Rusty very Sad. My Person feeds Marmite less than she feeds me because Marmite Loves Eating. Marmite could easily get HUGELY and GROSSLY Overwight. I couldn't easily get HUGELY and GROSSLY Overweight because I Eat more than Marmite and I'm always Skinny.

Poor Rusty couldn't Walk even a few steps before having to Sit and he Collapsed if he was Standing for more than a minute or two.


Person gives Marmite Less to Eat than she gives me. I wouldn't want Marmite to be Taken Away in a Van. Nor would Monty the Mont. And it would make Marmite very Sad.

Anyway, here is Marmite and I love Marmite just the way she is and Monty the Mont loves Marmite just the way she is. Persons love Marmite just the way she is too. Marmite isn't OBESE, she just has Short Legs.

Monday, November 27, 2006

No More Sofa

These Pictures show you WHAT'S HAPPENED.


She Person is going away for Three Whole Days next week. She is going to finish her Dog Listening Course at Jan Fennell's Farmhouse. Jan Fennell has Eleven Spaniels.

I think Person has already learnt a bit too much about UNDERSTANDING DOGS.

He-Person will look after us while she is Away.

Will He-Person be Alpha Wolf while Person is Away? Will he do Gesture Eating before putting our Bowls down? Will he pick up our Bowls as soon as we have finished? Will he IGNORE us when he comes in? Will he Keep Control of the Door to OUTSIDE?

While He-Person is busy Watching Sport on TV VERY LOUD will I be able to Creep back onto the Sofa again? Will Marmite? Will Monty the Mont who is really He-Person's Favourite?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

A Sofa in Costa Rica

This afternoon Person has put another duvet under her desk. She found it in the shed.

It's Yellow.

My new Indoor Collar has Yellow on it. Person uses my new Indoor Collar to take me OUTSIDE if I try to Jump Up when Visitors come.

My Friend Tobi from Cost Rica has just told me that if I ever Venture to Costa Rica I can share his Sofa with him.

Some Dogs are Very Kind.

Oh oh oh oh oh!

Oh oh oh oh oh!

I knew I was right to feel Suspicious when Person went to learn about Dog Listening and being an Alpha Wolf.

I heard Person saying she is going to STOP us from Going On The Sofas. 'By Christmas'.

Mary-Contrary-Person who has Robin and Nellie came to see us yesterday. I was so excited to see her because I know she finds it Very Difficult to IGNORE me like my Person asks her to.

But when I tried to jump up Person put me straight OUTSIDE. When Monty the Mont tried to jump up Person put him straight OUTSIDE. When Marmite tried to jump up Person put Marmite OUTSIDE. She then let us IN again. Very soon we Settled Down on the floor. Marmite Settled Down on the floor first and gave a big SIGH. Then Monty the Mont Settled down and gave a big SIGH. I went to my Bed under Person's Desk and gave a Big SIGH.

Mary-Contrary says she NEVER lets Robin and Nellie go on her Sofa. This is all Mary-Contrary's fault, I think.

Yesterday when it was Very Windy and Very Stormy and Very Muddy I came in and jumped onto the Sofa but for some reason Person pulled me off. Person then Washed and Polished the Sofa.

I wonder HOW Person is going to Stop me from Sleeping on the Sofa. Or Stop Monty the Mont from Sleeping on the Sofa. Or Stop Marmite from Sleeping on the Sofa.

Anyway, we are under her desk just now because it's near to her. It's nice and warm too.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


OUTSIDE a Gale is Blowing.

It's WHOOOING and SHOOOSHING and ROARING. I chase the leaves and empty plastic pots and other things that are Clattering all over the place. The grape vine has no leaves any more and the old grapes are on the ground (Marmite is eating them).

I nearly BLEW OVER! Marmite doesn't Blow Over because of her shape. Marmite is like a Walking Coffee Table my Vet once said. Monty the Mont is Strong so he doesn't Blow Over, but I'm Skinny.

I shut my eyes when the Wind is Blowing at me.

Anyway, I have had enough of the Wind and I wan't to come IN now.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Monty's Getting The Message

I think Monty the Mont is beginning to GET THE MESSAGE in spite of Yesterday.

Yesterday at Person Training Monty the Mont was Not a Relaxed and Happy Dog.

He BARKED at Person when he was doing SIT STAY. He got up and Followed her each time when he should have been doing DOWN STAY with Person Out of Sight.

After that Monty the Mont went On the Defensive with a very little dog called Jack. Person then put Monty the Mont back in the Car.

Person felt Sad. She hoped Monty the Mont now realised she was his Alpha Wolf like Marmite and I do. But he needs MORE TIME and More Dog Listening.

Anyway, something DID happen with Monty the Mont this morning. And it was VERY DIFFERENT.

Always when Person goes out of the room Monty the Mont has to Follow her to the Door. Even if he's fast asleep he quickly Wakes Up to get to the Door before Person leaves the room.

But VERY STRANGE. This morning Person has been in and out of the room LOTS of times and Monty the Mont hasn't Followed her to the Door once! He just stayed Relaxing in his Bed. This has never happened before. (Once, after Magic had died and before Marmite came, Person Practised going IN and OUT of the room every five minutes for a Whole Day so that Monty the Mont would understand that she ALWAYS came back, but he still Followed her to the Door each time and Cried until she came back in).

I have GOT THE MESSAGE that Persons are Alpha Wolves. Marmite has GOT THE MESSAGE. Alpha Wolves are Responsible. Alpha Wolves Look After the Pack. Alpha Wolves make all the Decisions. Alpha Wolves can Come and Go as they please. Alpha Wolves do all the Worrying, not us. We can just Relax and Enjoy Life.

So, Perhaps Monty the Mont is GETTING THE MESSAGE. It will take a little bit longer, that's all.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Bye Bye Harry

I have just come home from Person Training (Dog Training ha ha).

I am sad because I am never going to see Harry-Who's-Very-Clever ever again. He said Goodbye to us for EVER because his Persons are moving house. Here is a picture of Harry.

I was a Very Good Dog at Training. Better than I have ever been. I was in the Top Class and did some new things. Perfectly. There were lots of new Dogs I had never met before. Even when Big Dogs Growled at each other it was OK. Person took no notice and she's my Alpha Wolf, so I took no notice either.

Marmite was a Very Good Dog at Training. Better at Training than she had ever been before too. She even moved Faster than Very Slow!

Don't tell Linsey-Trainer-Person but we had done NO Practice at Home for Three Weeks.

Person says since she started learning Dog Listening and being an Alpha Wolf it has made a Big Difference to me at home and a Big Difference to Marmite at home. It has only made a Little Difference to Monty the Mont - SO FAR.

Monty the Mont was NOT a Relaxed and Happy Dog at Training. He was a Worried Dog. He was Worried that Person might not really be an Alpha Wolf, so he was TESTING her even more than usual. Person gave up and put him out in the car.

Person says Monty the Mont ISN’T READY yet.

All the Dogs and all the Persons are having a Christmas PARTY soon with Linsey-Trainer-Person. Will Monty the Mont have to Stay in the Car? Monty the Mont Barks and Barks if he is left in the car all by himself. Monty the Mont still PANICS when he is left anywhere all by himself.

Anyway, I am Very Good at being a Relaxed and Happy Dog.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Frogs and Toads

My Friend Tobi from Costa Rica who writes to me in my Blog NEARLY DIED once and he had to be Saved by his Vet. He saw something funny Hopping About and thought it would be Fun to Play With. It was a FROG.

I have never seen a FROG, but Marmite picked one up once. She didn't Nearly Die. We sometimes have TOADS in our Garden too. Perhaps FROGS and TOADS in Costa Rica are more Poisonous than FROGS in England.

Tobi says DON'T PLAY WITH FROGS. They may look like Fun when the Hop About, but the Taste HORRID.

Person has found out that if enough toxin is ingested Dogs may have an Irregular Heartbeat and Act Strangely, as if in the grip of a Hallucination. Also Mouth irritation with Foamy Salivation, Depression, Weakness, Collapse, Difficulty breathing, Seizures, Fever, Vomiting and Diarrhea.


My Person used to like FROGS and TOADS. She says she had a Pet Toad when she was a Child. She called it Timothy. Timothy lived in a big box with stones and earth and a pond and leaves. She used to feed Timothy with Worms. If the Worms were too big she cut them into smaller bits. Sometimes Person took Timothy into her Bedroom.

Person says she wouldn't have a Pet TOAD again now. Nor a Pet FROG. She wouldn't want me to have Foamy Salivation and to Act Strangely as if in the grip of a Hallucination. Nor Monty the Mont. Nor Marmite.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

On the Sofa

Person may be pretending to be an Alpha Wolf, but she still lets us Sleep on the Sofas. So far. Perhaps Dog Listeners do sometimes Listen to Dogs. Especially when Dogs are saying that they like to Sleep on Sofas.

Monty the Mont and Marmite sleep on one Sofa and I sleep at the end of the other Sofa.

Hannawannah is still home because an Orange Light came on in her Car. Dogs don't have an Orange Light that comes one when they are not well. Hannawannah's Car has Gone Away to a place where they Fix Cars, just like I Went Away when I did my Wound and my Vet Fixed Me.

So when Hannawannah is on a Sofa, and when He-Person is on a Sofa and when my Person is on a Sofa too there is no longer room for all three of us, and so Monty the Mont pinches my place.

I was very tired yesterday evening. I tried sleeping on my proper bed but I wanted my Sofa place back. So I asked Monty the Mont to get off. I lay on the floor and stared at him for a long time. He pretended to take no notice. I then made my sad little noises. He opened his eyes but didn't look at me. I stood up and I crouched and made louder sad noises. He IGNORED me. Last time when he pinched my place on the Sofa I bit his nose, but he still didn't move.

This time Person made a space for me between her and Monty the Mont and I wriggled in. I carried on wriggling until he got off and went into his own proper bed.

I hope Person will continue to Listen to her Dogs when they tell her that they NEED to Sleep on Sofas.

Monday, November 20, 2006

My Nose

We had another Visitor yesterday. It was Brian-Person.

My Person is still doing her Dog Listening and pretending she is an Alpha Wolf. I heard her saying to Brian outside the door PLEASE IGNORE THE DOGS until they Settle Down.

But Brian Loves Dogs. He tried to IGNORE us, but when I pushed my nose into his hand he gave me a little private fuss. I didn't Jump Up once! Nor did Monty the Mont and nor did Marmite. Person didn't have to put us OUTSIDE.

Granny-Person was here as well. Even she said we were Very Good Dogs and Very Calm when a Visitor came and Granny-Person Doesn't really Like Dogs. Not even me. She doesn't like my wet cold Nose.

Anyway, my Person loves my wet cold Nose. Don't tell her, but I am GETTING THE MESSAGE. And don't tell her, but I really Quite Like my Persons being Alpha Wolves. So does Monty the Mont and so does Marmite.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

No Breakfast

This morning I didn't have any Breakfast.

We watched Person do her 'Gesture Eating' - she had a cheesy smelling biscuit this morning, and then she put my Bowl down. But I Walked Away from it. I thought - I'm not going to play this Game today. Person then put down Monty the Mont's Bowl and he started Eating immediately. Then she put down Marmite's Bowl and she started Eating immediately too.

So Person just picked up my Bowl and took it away!


Hannawannah who is Person's Last-Born is here this weekend. She says she notices a Big Difference in me, and in Monty the Mont and in Marmite. I haven't seen Hannawannah for a long time and when she came in she IGNORED me! I nearly jumped up and Person put me straight OUTSIDE. Then Monty the Mont pranced and Person put him OUTSIDE too. Soon she let us in again and we kept our Feet on the Ground.

Some Persons came to Eat, Drink and Talk yesterday. Neighbours-From-Heaven Sue-Person and Artist came, and Brian-Person and Christine-Person as well. Brian and Christine have Toby and Bella and they go to Training Classes. Toby and Bella are Jack Russells and they haven't had their tails Cut Off. (I broke a wine glass with my Tail yesterday. It was on the Low Table). When Brian and Christine came in they tried to ignore us. We all tried to jump up so Person put us straight OUTSIDE.

We stayed OUTSIDE for a long time. We went in our Big Kennel. We were Very Good Dogs.

He-Person hasn't called me THAT BLOODY PIP for Five Days now! He did say FLAMING PIP though when I broke the wine glass which was on the Low Table yesterday.

Anyway, perhaps Person will give me Breakfast back soon.

Once I was so little I could get into the Bird Bath.

Friday, November 17, 2006


Sometimes He-Person says "I'm Going Out to Hit Some Balls".

He is talking about something called Golf.

This is another Strange thing Persons do. It is part of SPORT. (My She-Person Isn't Interested in Sport). He-Person watches Football on TV. In Football you play with a Ball you can't HAVE. He-Person loves Rugby best of all. Rugby uses a funny ball that doesn't roll straight. Rugby is better than Football because you can HAVE the Ball sometimes.

I would like the SCRUM. So would Monty the Mont and so would Marmite. We do SCRUMS in our Field.

But Golf!

Golf Balls are Very Very Small. Golf Balls are Dangerous to Dogs. To Play Golf Persons have bags on wheels which they pull along. There are Sticks in the bags with wheels. Golf Persons carry little Golf Balls in their pockets. They Walk round a special Golf Field talking to each other. Golf Fields are very Tidy.They have little Holes in them and Sand Pits.

Now and then Golf Persons just STOP and one Golf Person puts a little Ball very carefully on the ground. He looks at the Ball. He chooses the best stick - are the sticks all different? He looks away in the distance. He looks at the BALL again. Then he HITS the Ball. Then the other Persons copy him.

Then they go back to Walking and Talking. I have never seen Persons who do Golf having a Scrum.

Dogs are not allowed in Fields where Persons Play Golf. I would like to Dig more HOLES. Monty the Mont would help me and so would Marmite. We could Hunt for Lost Balls. We could SCRUM in the Sand Pits.

Yesterday evening Monty was lying in My place next to Person on the sofa. I asked and asked him to get off. I even tried biting his nose. He IGNORED me. Is he copying Person by IGNORING me?

Anyway, I just pushed in next to him and in the end he got off.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


It Rained all night. it's Raining again today.

Person is still doing Dog Listening on us. STRANGE. Anyway, we are Happy Dogs. Even Monty the Mont is Quite Happy as you can see.

I had so much to tell you about Person going away to do Wolves and Dog Listening, that I forgot to tell you that she went to London to see Luke and Lovely Louise. Luke is Person's Fourth-Born and Lovely Louise is having a Baby. I told you before how they looked inside her and told her it was a Girl Baby.

It takes NINE Months for Persons to make Baby Persons, and after all that time they can't even Walk! Not for about a YEAR. Persons usually only have one Baby at a time. It only took my mum TWO Months to make me and I could Walk almost straight away! There were about seven babies inside my mum with me.

If Dogs can make Seven Babies in two months, but Persons only make One Baby in 9 months, that means there must be lot more Dogs than Persons in the world. I wonder where they all are.

Luke and Lovely Louise live in a Flat. It isn't really Flat, it's Tall. There are lots of stone steps to go up to get into their Flat.

The Flat is near a place called Spittalfields. I think I would like Spittalfields - but not if it's Raining.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Dog Listener

There is no Dog Training (Person Training) Class this week so I shan't see Minto. Meanwhile Person is practising being a Dog Listener.

We are not going Out for any Walks or Runs or Hunts or Sniffs or Classes until we know who is really Leader of the Pack and until we have Got THE MESSAGE in our own territory.

This is the third day after Person did Dog Listening. Person is doing STRANGE things. We are Getting THE MESSAGE.

Person eats before we do while we watch her. She calls this 'Gesture Eating'.

Person goes through the door to OUTSIDE first when she sends us OUT. She only lets us IN when I am not jumping on the door making my sad noises, and when Monty the Mont isn't crashing against the door squeeking, and when Marmite isn't giving her little barks. Person lets us all IN together when Person feels like it.

I don't have to WORRY about anything.

Even Monty the Mont is Happy to Play with us in the Field. He doesn't WORRY so much about going back to Look After the Persons. They can Look After themselves. They can Look After us.

Dog Listeners use very Kind Voices. No Cross Voices. No Shouting. Everything is Very CALM in the house. Even Monty the Mont is more CALM.

I don't need to Jump Up any more. Marmite doesn't need to Jump Up any more. Monty the Mont still Prances and Jumps Up sometimes. When Monty the Mont Jumps Up and Prances Person turns her back on him and IGNORES him. She then calls her to him and if he doesn't Jump Up she makes a big fuss of him. If he Jumps Up she IGNORES him again.

Monty the Mont is beginning to Get THE MESSAGE too.

Anyway, He-Person is happy because Marmite doesn't Jump onto him any more when he is sitting on the sofa trying to watch Sport on TV, to Lick and Lick and Wag and Wag her tail.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Alpha Wolf makes the Decisions

In just one single evening alone Person got up and Opened and Shut the Door for us TWENTY-SEVEN TIMES. She counted. The only Door to OUTSIDE is in the Sitting Room where Persons Sit all the time.

Person is 'Gaining Control of the Door'. Person is Practising being and Alpha Wolf.

Since Person came back from doing Canine Communication and Wolves at Jan Fennell's farm things have been DIFFERENT. Things are also very QUIET. Jan Fennell has Eleven Spaniels and Two Utonagans. Utonagans look just like Wolves but they are not Wild. The dogs don't make a fuss of Persons. They are PEACEFUL Dogs.

In our House it used to happen like this. Marmite would carry on making her funny Grimbling noise from where she was lying until Person couldn't stand it any longer. Person would Open the door to let her OUT and then Close it again. (Person doesn't just leave the door open because it's too cold for her). Then I would need to see what Marmite was doing so I make my sad little noise until Person would get up, Open the door for me, then Close it again. A few minutes later Monty the Mont would think that he had better be OUT with Us so he squeeked to go OUT. Person would get up and Open then Close the door for Monty the Mont.

Then we would all want to come back IN.

Monty the Mont always wants to come back IN first. He needs to make sure that Persons haven't gone away anywhere without him. The I want to come IN a bit later, to keep an eye on Monty the Mont. Marmite likes being outside and Marmite doesn't care much where I am or where Monty the Mont is or even where Persons are, so Marmite comes IN last.

A little while ago Persons had to get a new Handle for the Door because the old one fell off.

This is why Person is Gaining Control of the Door. She says that the Alpha Wolf decides where the pack goes and when. The Alpha Wolf makes the DECISIONS. And Persons are the Alpha Wolves. I am not an Alpha Wolf. Nor is Monty the Mont and certainly not Marmite.

So, Person is now deciding when we go OUT. Person is now deciding when we come back IN again. If one of us goes OUT we all go OUT. If one of us comes IN we all come IN. We have to WAIT. This way Person Opens then Closes the door once instead of three times.

That is the idea anyway.

Unfortunately yesterday afternoon Marmite spoilt it all. Marmite was Not Very Well, just like I Wasn't Very Well last week. So yesterday Marmite asked to go out lots of times. Marmite always makes lots of grimbling noises for a long time until she is let OUT. Person tried IGNORING her.

That was not a good idea. Person hadn't realised that Marmite Wasn't Very Well.

This picture is when I was very little and Marmite and Monty the Mont were looking after me.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Ignoring us


My Person was Away from Home doing Canine Communication for TWO WHOLE DAYS. She has never been Away from Home at Night Time before - not since she has had me. And when she came Back Home after all that time away she IGNORED ME. I thought she was finding out that Dogs were really Wolves. She smelt of Spaniels not Wolves.

Something STRANGE is happening.

We were EXCITED to see her, but when Monty the Mont jumped up at her she just turned her back on him and IGNORED HIM. It was because we were so Excited and she was IGNORING US that we started to Scrap with each other instead. We aren't allowed to Scrap in the House.

Person didn't shout OUT like she usually does. She quietly walked OUTSIDE and we quietly followed. Then she left us OUTSIDE.


We soon jumped up at the door and cried to come in but she IGNORED US. She only let us in when we stopped making a fuss. She calls it Gaining Control of the Door. I knew I was right to feel suspicious about this Canine Communication stuff.

Person had only been Home for a little while when both Persons went to Neighbours-From-Heaven to Eat and Talk and Drink and they left us Alone.

I know Person is showing us WHO is really LEADER of the PACK and it's not me. Nor is it Monty the Mont. Nor is it Marmite.

So while I still had a chance I climbed up onto the chair and onto the piano to get the Toy Fluffy Dog. The Vase crashed to the floor.

When they came home Persons weren't Cross with me.

It was even worse. Persons IGNORED ME. She-Person cleared up the mess. She called Monty the Mont and Cuddled him. She called Marmite and she Cuddled her. She didn't call me. She IGNORED ME. She didn't Cuddle me.


This morning Breakfast was DIFFERENT too. Person put our three bowls on the table. She also put a bowl for HERSELF on the table. Very STRANGE.

We watched her carefully. We watched everything she was doing. She measured Monty the Mont's food into his bowl. She measured Marmite's food into her bowl - a bit less because Marmite is too fat. She then measured my food into my bowl. She then ATE SOMETHING FROM HER OWN BOWL and she IGNORED US! (Hmm. I think Person is making some sort of point here).

We watched very carefully. When Person had finished her Eating she called Marmite and put Marmite's bowl down. She then called Monty the Mont and she put his bowl down. She then called Pip and she put my bowl down. Then she went away and left us.

For some reason I thought I had better not eat Slowly this time to tease Monty the Mont. I ate Quickly. As soon as we had finished Person took our bowls away.

Then Person called me to her and she gave me a Cuddle. It seemed a specially nice Cuddle to me. I felt SAFE.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Still Sick

I didn't do Person Training yesterday. Monty the Mont did Training and so did Marmite, but I had to go back to the car.

I was in the Top Class for the first time. This isn't because I am better than Marmite, it's because He-Person who is Marmite's Handler at Person Training can't do the Top Class. He has to do something called Going to Work.

In the Top Class I said Hello to some of the Dogs because I hadn't met them before. Then I started to walk to Heel. Then Linsey-Trainer-Person said 'Tell your Dog to SIT. I heard her so I SAT (my-Person-Handler then said SIT but I was already Sitting). Then she said 'Forward' and I walked to Heel again. Then I stopped. Then I was Sick. On the Floor. It was some Grass that I had been eating. So Person took me back to the car.

She said it wasn't a very good start in the Top Class.

Person is going away this weekend on the Canine Communication course to UNDERSTAND DOGS. I don't want her to GO AWAY. I don't really want her to UNDERSTAND DOGS.

So perhaps if I keep eating Grass and if I don't eat my food and if Grass makes me Sick then Person will Stay at Home.

Click here if you would like to see my 'Pleeeeeeease Let Me OUT' video again.

Here is a picture of our Field. You can see the steps leading up to our garden. You can see the Old Station House behind and the window is where Artist and Sue-Person, our Neighbours From Heaven live. On the left is where Guy-Person who didn't get burnt on Bonfire Night lives.

You can just see where I live with Monty the Mont and Marmite, behind the wall.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Not very Well

I Wasn't Very Well last night. My tummy sounded like the Dishwasher.

I asked to go OUT by making my little sad noise, and then I asked to come IN and then I asked to go OUT and then I asked to come IN. In the end Person just left the door open all night.

Person thinks I ate too many Figs off the Fig Tree. But I didn't eat as many as Marmite and she is OK. I didn't eat my Breakfast this morning. I just went back to bed.

It is Person Training today. Perhaps I shall stay at home.

Click here and you can see a Movie of me wanting to Go OUT when I had only just asked to Come IN.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Understanding Dogs

Here I am at the end of another Hard Day.

I fear I shan't be allowed On the Sofa for much longer. This is because of Person's Canine Communication Course next weekend and Jan Fennell will teach her to UNDERSTAND DOGS.

I know she will learn that Dogs are really WOLVES and that Dogs are not Persons. Persons go on Sofas. Wolves stay on the Floor or in their Beds.

Canine Communication says we are Happier Dogs if we Know Our PLACE.

But I AM a Happy Dog. I'm a VERY Happy Dog - especially when I am Sleeping on Person on the Sofa. I know my PLACE is on the Sofa. Monty the Mont is a Happy Dog too (when he's not On the Defensive). Marmite is a Very Happy Dog.

I'm especially Happy when I am lying on Person on the Sofa. I'm not quite so Happy about Person UNDERSTANDING DOGS though.