Golf

Sometimes He-Person says "I'm Going Out to Hit Some Balls".

He is talking about something called Golf.

This is another Strange thing Persons do. It is part of SPORT. (My She-Person Isn't Interested in Sport). He-Person watches Football on TV. In Football you play with a Ball you can't HAVE. He-Person loves Rugby best of all. Rugby uses a funny ball that doesn't roll straight. Rugby is better than Football because you can HAVE the Ball sometimes.

I would like the SCRUM. So would Monty the Mont and so would Marmite. We do SCRUMS in our Field.

But Golf!

Golf Balls are Very Very Small. Golf Balls are Dangerous to Dogs. To Play Golf Persons have bags on wheels which they pull along. There are Sticks in the bags with wheels. Golf Persons carry little Golf Balls in their pockets. They Walk round a special Golf Field talking to each other. Golf Fields are very Tidy.They have little Holes in them and Sand Pits.

Now and then Golf Persons just STOP and one Golf Person puts a little Ball very carefully on the ground. He looks at the Ball. He chooses the best stick - are the sticks all different? He looks away in the distance. He looks at the BALL again. Then he HITS the Ball. Then the other Persons copy him.

Then they go back to Walking and Talking. I have never seen Persons who do Golf having a Scrum.

Dogs are not allowed in Fields where Persons Play Golf. I would like to Dig more HOLES. Monty the Mont would help me and so would Marmite. We could Hunt for Lost Balls. We could SCRUM in the Sand Pits.



Yesterday evening Monty was lying in My place next to Person on the sofa. I asked and asked him to get off. I even tried biting his nose. He IGNORED me. Is he copying Person by IGNORING me?

Anyway, I just pushed in next to him and in the end he got off.

Digging

When Person was doing Tea or Coffee at Sue-Person-Neighbour-From-Heaven's yesterday, we worked on a Big New HOLE. He-Person found it. That BLOODY PIP has been DIGGING again.

Our new HOLE is in the corner of our field, by the fence. On the other side of our fence is a Cycle Track. This is where Trains once used to go. Not only Persons on Cycles go on it. People RUN there (I love Running), and people who WALK as well - and LOTS of DOGS. We always BARK at the Dogs to let them know that this is OUR TERRITORY. Monty the Mont BARKS the most.

Here is a picture of me on the table, HIGH UP. I can SEE right down the Cycle Track from here. I can see Persons and DOGS. I am a SIGHT Hound.

We have tried to DIG OUT under the fence before. Persons don't always find our HOLES. Once we did DIG OUT. Marmite squeezed through the HOLE because she has short legs. She went for a Walk and Sniff down the Cycle Track by herself. I squeezed through the HOLE because I'm Skinny. I explored the Farmer's Field but thought I'd better not go away too far. Monty the Mont didn't GET OUT. He was too big for our HOLE.

Today Monty the Mont is LIMPING. He has a Sore Front Paw. I know how he got that sore Front Paw! DIGGING. (I haven't got a Sore Front Paw).

Person has covered our HOLE now and says she will put Concrete in it today. Person likes Concrete.

Holes

I did some more Digging while my Person was doing Tea or Coffee next door and it made me tired. Persons get CROSS when they see my HOLES. Because it makes them CROSS I make sure they aren't there while I'm doing my Digging.

Sometimes Monty the Mont helps me and sometimes Marmite does. We like to work on the same HOLE together. We all Love HOLES. There is always something to find in a new HOLE.

I like Digging up stones and other bits. We make lots of HOLES all over our field, but Persons keep filling them in. HOLES make He-Person VERY CROSS when he's riding on the mower cutting the grass. That BLOODY PIP's been Digging again.

I used to like Digging the HOLES that Persons had filled in Out Again. But She-Person had an idea that stopped us Digging them Out Again. When Persons now do the Turdling they put our mess in the HOLES with earth on top. I don't like these HOLES any more.

We have a lot of Molehills all along the bank and Molehills make Persons CROSS too. Persons now use these Molehills to fill up our HOLES on top of the mess.

Anyway, I know I am doing a Very Useful Thing really by giving Persons somewhere to put our Mess and somewhere to put the Molehills. And He-Person then doesn't have to keep getting off his Mower when he's riding around the field cutting grass.