Saturday, December 30, 2006


There is one SOFA DAY left before New Year.

NO MORE SOFA is Person's New Year Resolution, Not my New Year Resolution. Not Monty the Mont's New Year Resolution and certainly not Marmite's.

My New Year Resolution is SLEEP ON SOFA.

I'm not quite sure about Years. I'm not sure about Weeks and I'm not sure about Days.

Person often says Wait a Minute. I understand Wait. I don't understand Minute. I don't understand TIME.

I live for the PRESENT.

Which reminds me, Person hasn't given me back my Squeaky Toy with Spots yet that I got for Christmas.

I can't do PHILOSOPHICAL very well though I do try sometimes. I am Philosophical about having to WAIT for Monty the Mont to get off my place on the SOFA.

Anyway, here is a Philosophical Quote from someone who really Understands Dogs:

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives." ~ Sue Murphy


Friday, December 29, 2006

New Year Resolution

Here I am (on the Sofa) with Hannawannah's foot on my head.

I look like a Mad Dog.

In two days' time it will be a New Year. Person says you make Resolutions at New Year.

Person says my New Year Resolution and Monty the Mont's New Year Resolution and Marmite's New Year Resolution will be NO MORE SOFA.

Oh yes?

Anyway, that means we have Two Sofa Days Left.


Thursday, December 28, 2006


Chocolate is Bad For Dogs.

Chocolate smells nice.

Hannawannah had Chocolates for Christmas, but she didn't give me one.

Person found out that the first signs of Chocolate Poisoning are Vomiting and Diarrhea, Increased Urination and Nausea. These can progress to Cardiac Arrhythmias and Seizures.


Marmite is a Chocolate Labrador. Marmite has quite frequent Urination. She is Chocolate colour but she can't eat Chocolate. If Marmite ate Chocolate she might end up with even more Urination, Cardiac Arrhythmias and Seizures. I wouldn't like that because I love Marmite.

My Person helped at the Rescue Kennels again today. She helped Clean the Kennels out. There was a lot of Urination there.

Anyway, there is good news because Nemo who is Deaf has gone to live with new Persons. He was in his New Home in time for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Squeaky Toys

On the Sofa? ME?

Neighbours from Heaven gave us Squeaky Toys with Spots for Christmas.

Today we Played with our Squeaky Toys with Spots until Marmite KILLED hers so it didn't Squeak any more.

Then Persons put away the two Squeaky Toys with Spots and the Dead Toy which didn't Squeak any more.

I Liked Christmas and I Liked BOXING Day. I like it when different Persons come to see us.

When Persons came they mostly IGNORED us though. Sometimes, just when I was Ignoring them and I had settled down for a quiet Doze they would call me over for a Cuddle and a Fuss.

Monty the Mont was called over for a Cuddles and a Fusses and so was Marmite. Then we all wanted Fusses and Cuddles at the same time. We got too Excited so we went OUTSIDE.

I Don't Understand Persons.

Anyway, we were Very Good Dogs really.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Boxing Day

It was Christmas Day yesterday.

It's Boxing Day today. BOXING Day?

I had Presents yesterday. I had a Stuffed Bone. Monty the Mont had a Stuffed Bone and so did Marmite.

I had a Squeaky Toy but Person takes it away from me because I always try to kill Squeaky Toys and then they don't Squeak any more. When we all have Squeaky Toys it's Very NOISY.

I carried balls made of of Wrapping Paper about. So did Marmite and so did Monty the Mont. I like balls made of Wrapping Paper.

We had Ten Persons at our house yesterday. In the evening Artist and Sue-Person Neighbours From Heaven came to our house with Tim and Tom. Persons were all Very NOISY. More Noisy than me and Monty the Mont and Marmite with Squeaky Toys.

And all the Persons DRANK a lot. The drink smelt funny and it made me blink.

I Nudged, and I Leant Against and I Pawed and I lay on my Back to GET ATTENTION. So did Marmite and so did Monty the Mont. This was to make Tim and Tom and Artist and Sue-Person make a Fuss of us and Play with us. And for a little while it Worked! But this is NOT ALLOWED. So my Person put us OUTSIDE and when we came back IN we had to go to our Beds.

From my Bed I looked at Neighbours-from-Heaven with my Sad Look so that they would think my Person was Cruel.

All the Persons LAUGHED a lot. They did something called a Quiz. They did More DRINKING.

When Artist Person stood up to go back home I thought he might Fall Over but Sue-Person caught him in time.

It took a long time for Artist-Next-Door to find the hole to put his key in so he could open his front door so they could all get into their house. All the Persons were LAUGHING a lot. Artist was LAUGHING a lot as well.

Persons can be CONFUSING at times.

Anyway, today Person is taking Sarah Bear home to London. Then it will just be He-Person here with Me, Monty the Mont and Marmite.

So, it's BOXING Day today. I think it may be SOFA Day too. It will be FOOTBALL Day. He-Person will watch Football on TV VERY LOUD because my Person will be away in London.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

A New Home

My Person went to Help at the Rescue Kennels again. She says it was Cold, Foggy and Wet at the kennels.

I was born in the Rescue Kennels. I was found a New Home but I became Very Sick and I Nearly Died. And so the Persons didn't want me any more.

So I was RESCUED again by my Person when I was 9 weeks old. It was only going to be until I was Made Better and was Found a Home.

When I was Better Person just kept me.

Here is a picture of Bryony who is a Greyhound and she is in the Rescue Kennels. She is Grey. A Grey Greyhound. She is only three years old and very Loving. I'm very Loving, Monty the Mont is very Loving and so is Marmite.

I managed to creep back on the Sofa again last night. So did Monty and so did Marmite.

Bryony would like to curl up on a Sofa in a Person's warm house. Bryony has a cold wet nose just like mine. Bryony's little bit of field is now all Muddy and Cold so she has to go inside all by herself to keep Warm.

If you know anybody who would Rescue Bryony like my Person Rescued me, please send me a Message (on the right) or email me on

My Person keeps saying she is Very Very Happy to have me. She says she would never take me back to the Rescue Kennels. Not even when I chewed the remote control, or broke the vase, or chewed A Short History of Nearly Everything which was a library book.


Friday, December 22, 2006

Danger in the Night

In the middle of Last Night I heard NOISES OUTSIDE. I heard a Dog Barking as well. Monty the Mont heard Noises too and so did Marmite.

Marmite started with her funny little sound which is like a BARK trapped inside her trying to get out. Then she broke into a loud WOOF. Then I BARKED. Then Monty the Mont BARKED.

Persons used to SHOUT at us if we BARKED in the Night. When Persons SHOUTED while were BARKING it sounded like WA WA WA WA and like they were Joining In.

We knew then that there must be REAL DANGER because Persons were making a lot of EXCITEMENT and NOISE as well.

So then we knew we had to to BARK and BARK even MORE.

But Person has been doing her Dog Listening and she's being an Alpha Wolf. So do you know what happened? We were BARKING in the Middle of the Night and Person got up and she came and THANKED US. Thanked us for BARKING!

We knew then that she had Taken Notice.

Person opened the Door and she went OUTSIDE but without me, or Marmite or Monty the Mont. We watched her through the glass door. She Looked About. She Listened. This is because the Alpha Wolf makes the Decisions in times of Perceived Danger.

Anyway, Person just came back INSIDE without a word. She went back to bed.

We knew then that everything must be Safe and that we didn't need to help her Defend the Pack.

I went back to bed. Monty the Mont went back to bed and Marmite went back to bed. We didn't need to BARK any more.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Rescue Kennels

OUTSIDE is slippery and white. It's so COLD my feet stick to the paving.

My Person went to the Rescue Kennels today. This is where I was born. In the Rescue Kennels there are 40 dogs, and the Person who lived there and looked after them just went away. Suddenly. So my Person is helping.

She came home smelling of Greyhounds and German Shepherds. She also smelt of a Dog called Nemo.

Nemo had been a Very Happy Dog because he was found a New Home. But now he's a Very Sad Dog. The Persons in his New Home took him back to the Rescue Kennels. It was because they Split Up. That must hurt. Do Dogs Split Up I wonder?

Nemo is about 20 months old. Nemo is Deaf. I'm not Deaf - I'm a very good Hearing Dog and I'm a Sight Hound. Dog Listener Persons would Understand Nemo, and Nemo would Understand Dog Listeners. This is because Dog Listeners say Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

My Person says she could have Fallen in Love with Nemo (and also one of the Greyhounds). Person says we can't have any more dogs in our Pack. She has enough Trouble with Me, and with Marmite, and with Monty the Mont. I wonder what she means?

So, Nemo badly needs a New Home. Here is a picture of Nemo:

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


This morning Person saw a Big Grey Rat just ouside the window on the roof of our Big Outside Kennel. It was eating the bird food.

I have been trying to tell Person that there are Rats on our Veranda. Marmite has been trying to tell Person about the Rats and so has Monty the Mont. Person just doesn't LISTEN to us.

First thing each morning we rush about with our noses to the ground. We're telling her that there is Rat Scent by the fence, Rat Scent at the edge of the veranda, Rat Scent in our Big Outside Kennel and Rat Scent across the garden and under the shed.

And she calls herself a Dog Listener?


Monday, December 18, 2006

The Hunt

Person says she is now going to make Walking the Dogs a Pleasure.

I'm not quite sure what Person means. As soon as I think I'm going out for a Walk I get very excited. I find it a Pleasure already.

She's still practising all this Understanding Dogs stuff on us.

So I went for two Little Walks yesterday. Marmite went for two Little Walks yesterday. Monty the Mont nearly didn't get even one Little Walk yesterday. As soon as Person picked up his lead he started to Prance About. So she just put it down again and took Me or Marmite instead.

They were very STRANGE Walks. It took a Very Long Time to go a Very Short Distance. Person kept saying something about THE HUNT and because she's pretending to be an Alpha Wolf she LEADS THE HUNT.

Just as I was thinking 'Ah I know where we are going' Person stopped and turned around and Walked in a different direction.

It took a Long Time to get as far as the corner at the bottom of the road. Each time I felt the collar tighten around my neck Person just Stopped! She didn't speak. She didn't jerk the lead. She just STOPPED.

Then she Started again and Changed Direction again.

We're not going to get anywhere or HUNT anything, let alone Elk, if we keep turning around.

Monty the Mont didn't even get out of the drive on his First Walk. Person just kept going in different directions until Monty the Mont was walking next to her with a loose lead.

Anyway, we never PULL to Get in Front on the way back Home. Person says it's because we know the HUNT is over.


PS. If we Jump Up at the Window Person won't let us IN now.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Long Dog

I'm a Lurcher so I'm a SIGHT Hound. I'm a very good HEARING Hound too. I have just found out that I'm also called a LONG DOG. I am very Looong when I Stretch. I'm also a SKINNY DOG.

Perhaps I'm Skinny because my Person is STARVING me. She picks up my Food Bowl when I walk away from it before I've eaten my Food. I walk away from my Bowl and see if I can get back to it just in time before Person picks it up and takes it away.

I know Person's Games! They all started when she went on that Course on Understanding Dogs.

Person now always Eats Food First herself before putting our Bowls down because she's pretending to be the Alpha Wolf and because Alpha Wolves always Eat Food First. They don't eat Biscuits, though. Alpha Wolves eat Raw Elk Flesh.

But she can't MAKE me Watch her Eating Food First, can she! She Ignores me so I will Ignore her too. Perhaps I might watch Person if she ate Raw Elk Flesh first and not just a Biscuit.

Afterwards I try to tell Person I'm so SKINNY I will STARVE if she doesn't give me my food back, but she doesn't LISTEN to me. And she's supposed to be a Dog Listener now.

Anyway, today Person put a little Milk on my Breakfast and I love Milk. Milk makes Marmite sick. If Person puts Milk on my Breakfast I might just pretend to Play her Games. If she gave me Raw Elk Flesh I would certainly Play her Games.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


It's still Windy.

There are Grass Tassles blowing about.

I have Whiskers. Am I an Airdale? Am I a Chinese Crested Dog? Am I a shaved Cat?


Monty the Mont YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!

Karen Person came to see us this morning.

I nearly Jumped Up but not quite - but Person put me OUTSIDE. Monty the Mont Pranced a little and nearly Jumped Up and Person put him OUTSIDE too. At first Marmite was a Very Good Dog. Then SUDDENLY she JUMPED RIGHT UP onto the sofa next to Karen!

My Person put Marmite OUTSIDE STRAIGHT AWAY.

Very soon Person let us back IN again. We didn't Jump Up.

Karen PUSHED me away gently whilst not looking at me, just like Person told her to. I knew what Karen really wanted was to make a Big Fuss of me.

Then Karen gently PUSHED Monty the Mont away. Then she gently PUSHED Marmite away. Then she Pushed us all Away. We only wanted to Lick Karen's legs. She had some special skin cream on her legs which tasted nice.

Karen just went on talking to my Person. Karen didn't look at me. Karen didn't look at Monty the Mont. Karen didn't look at Marmite.

Person says we were MILLING AROUND Karen and she put us OUTSIDE AGAIN.

The Third time Person let us in we quickly Settled Down.

Marmite lay down first and gave a big SIGH. Monty the Mont then lay down and gave a big SIGH. I went first to have a sniff in Karen's bag and then went to Lie Down. I gave a big SIGH.

After a while Person said Karen could now make a fuss of us if she called us to her. That Spoilt it all.

Karen called to Monty the Mont, but I came as well and so did Marmite. We got Excited. We didn't jump up though.

Anyway, Person just put us OUTSIDE again.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


It's Raining and Raining and the Wind is Blowing and Whooshing.

I am Bored. Monty the Mont is Bored and so is Marmite Bored.

There is No News. Person has been working at her Computer all day, making a new Website and a new Database and doing lots of Typing. She is Setting Up her New Business as a Dog Listener. So I am Bored.

I ate a Pen earlier. Person dropped it on the floor.

I had a little Fight out in the Field with Monty the Mont before it started to Rain. Marmite joined in - she always takes Monty the Mont's side and they both chase at me and BARK at me. I show my TEETH but they don't believe me.

The Wind Blew too much and we came Indoors.

I am just so Bored. Monty the Mont is so Bored. Marmite is so Bored.

Anyway, it's Warm on our Beds in front of the Radiator under Person's desk.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Tobi from Costa Rica

Here are two pictures of My Friend Tobi from Costa Rica, who writes to me in my Blog.

Persons went out to Talk Talk Eat and Drink with Neighbours-from-Heaven yesterday evening.

I only did one naughty thing while Persons were out. I chewed up a Spoon. I didn't jump onto the piano and Break a Vase this time.

My Person Talked to Neighbours-From-Heaven about Wolves and being a Dog Listener. (They did warn her on the Canine Communication Course about becoming a Jan Fennell Bore).

Saturday, December 09, 2006


So, when Person came back from her Course with her Certificate in Advanced Canine Communication we were Very Happy Dogs. Because she didn't Look at us when she came in we were also Very Calm Dogs.

Then she SPOILT it all. She took us to the Person Training ('Dog' Training ha ha) Christmas Party.

We were Very Good Dogs and Very Calm Dogs when we got out of the Car - until we heard lots and lots of BARKING and TALKING and MUSIC coming from our Training Hall.

Monty the Mont was Prancing About. He-Person went ahead with Monty PULLING him.

My She-Person had my lead and she had Marmite's lead. She had to hold on Tight.

I felt Excited. I also felt Scared. Danger? I PULLED so I could get Ahead. Marmite also PULLED so that she could get Ahead.

And Person just STOPPED.

Then she Started again and Changed Direction. She didn't say anything to us at all.

I PULLED again to get Ahead and so did Marmite.

And Person just STOPPED again. Then she Started again and Changed Direction. She didn't say anything to us at all.

I could see that if we carried on like this we would NEVER get to Find Out what was Happening in the Hall.

So then I Walked Very Nicely and Marmite Walked Very Nicely as far as the Door.

There were Lots and Lots and Lots of Dogs, and Lots and Lots and Lots of Persons and lots and lots of Children. I SPRANG FORWARD. Marmite SPRANG FORWARD. I Love Children. Marmite Loves Children. There was Music. I could smell Food. Dogs and Persons and Children were Laughing and Shouting and Barking and Running About and Sitting on different Chairs. We PULLED and we PULLED on our leads.

Monty the Mont then started BARKING and He-Person took him back to the Car. Monty the Mont kept on BARKING in the Car. Monty the Mont always BARKS when he is all by himself in the Car. So He-Person took Marmite back to the Car to keep him company.

My Person said it was BEDLAM.

I played one Game. It was a Sausage game. There was a row of Plates and each had some Sausage on it. I had to run to each plate and eat Sausage as Quickly as possible. I love Sausage. If Person fed me Sausage instead of Dry Neutro I wouldn't Mess About at meal times.

CONFUSING. Lots of Persons I didn't know. Lots of Dogs I didn't know. Lots of Persons I did know and lots of Dogs I did know. I was on my lead so I couldn't Investigate. And for some reason I had Sausages to eat from a row of plates.

Anyway, I did manage to have a quick kiss with Abi the Retreiver who is in my New Class. I love Abi and I love Minto. I couldn't find Minto at the Christmas Party, but I was on my lead so I couldn't have a good look. I said Hello to Person Ann's little Patterdales and to Toby and Bella who are Jack Russells. I said Hello to the Other Monty who is a Whippet. I was a bit unsure of a Big Lassie Dog so a lay on my back to be on the safe side.

I was just beginning to Enjoy Myself when Person took me back to the car. Marmite and Monty the Mont SNIFFED me.


Friday, December 08, 2006

Certificate of Advanced Canine Communication

Person came home yesterday evening with a 'Certificate of Advanced Canine Communication'.

I had not seen Person for Three Whole Days, nor had Marmite and nor had Monty the Mont. She had not see US for three whole days either.

And do you know what? Person came in the door and she IGNORED US!

(I did hear Person saying she was very very pleased with us because we didn't jump around her. We sniffed her (she smelt of Jan Fennells spaniels) and we followed her about but we didn't get excited.

Anyway, soon Person called us to her and made a fuss of us and put our collars on.

Collars on? We're going out somewhere?

Well, she put my collar on and she put Marmite's collar on, but Monty the Mont started to Prance About, so she didn't put Monty the Mont's collar on. She went and sat down at her computer instead.

She then called Monty the Mont to her again and he was quiet while she put on his collar.

Person next fetched our leads but Monty the Mont had forgotten something! He started jumping about and Person put his lead away again. I had to wait in the car and so did Marmite. Then Monty the Mont too came out to the car nice and quietly.

Persons then took us out to the Person Training (Dog Training ha ha) Christmas Party.

Certificate of Advanced Canine Communication????

Well, I'll tell you about the Christmas Party tomorrow!

Here is a picture of my Person and the other new Dog Listeners. Tony who Taught them all is fourth from the left.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

A Message from my Person

Person is still away but she has sent me a message.

Person says she has had Two Days learning how to be a Jan Fennell Dog Listener and she's having a Very Interesting Time and a Very Good Time.

A Very Good Time without Me?

Jan Fennell's son is called Tony Dog Listener. He has been Teaching my Person. This means no more playing Food Games for me or she will pick up my bowl straight away. No more fussing for Marmite when Person calls her and she just stays in bed looking lovely. No more Walks for Monty the Mont while he still Prances About at the door or Lunges.

Persons says she now Understands us even Better (oh dear) and we will be even MORE Happy than before. How can that be?

Person says she will now be Understanding Other People's Dogs too.

Person also tells me she has been doing Role Play. I hope she does some Role Play with me. I would like that. I like Playing and I like Rolls.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Happy Dogs

Person is getting ready to Go Away next week for Three Whole Days.

She should then have a Certificate in Canine Communication and How to be a Dog Listener from Jan Fennell.

Person can then visit the homes of Persons whose Dogs are UNHAPPY. Their Dogs are SO UNHAPPY that they want to BITE Persons and they want to BITE other Dogs and they want to BITE the Chairs and Doors. My Person will show these Persons how to be Alpha Wolves which will make their Dogs more Happy.

I am a very Happy Dog. Marmite is a very Happy Dog. Monty the Mont is a very Happy Dog at Home. He's not always a very Happy Dog when he's OUT when there are other Dogs because he's On the Defensive. He doesn't Bite them but he sometimes GROWLS. And he's a Very UNHAPPY Dog if he's left all by himself in the Car.

But Monty the Mont is Getting Much Better. Person says that it takes some Dogs quite a Long Time to give up the BURDEN of trying to be an Alpha Wolf and thinking that they have to do all the Worrying about Everything.

Anyway, Me - I can't be bothered with all that! Too much Responsibility for me! Just so long as Marmite and Monty the Mont realise that I must always be IN FRONT of them, I'm Happy.

I have to keep showing Monty the Mont who is really the Boss. He thinks he is - ha ha!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Christmas Party

This week was the last Training before Christmas. But next week is our CHRISTMAS PARTY.

There will be Lots and Lots of DOGS. And Lots and Lots of PERSONS. and Lots and Lots of FOOOOOD. I think it will be Person Food though.

Person might not have come back in time so we may be late. She will have been away finishing her Canine Communication and Learning to be an Alpha Wolf Course.

I will Love all the Dogs and all the Persons and all the Food (they might drop some). Marmite will also Love all the dogs and all the Persons and especially all the Food. I don't know about Monty the Mont. Person says 'We Will See'.