Saturday, September 30, 2006


Yesterday He-Person dropped one of his Socks on the floor.

I took it out into our field and played with it for a while and then did Tugging with Monty the Mont, and then I brought it back. I like Socks - especially used ones. Sometimes Persons say Good Boy and give me a TREAT when I Bring Something Back. This time He-Person said BLOODY DOG he's a BLOODY NUISANCE.

I just Love FEET. I lick in between my She-Person's toes until she stops me. I like to Sleep on her Feet.

I found out a Very Interesting Thing yesterday.

ARTIST next door said he has a SUBWOOFER. I haven't heard it. I wonder whether Sue-Person-Neighbour-from-Heaven knows that Artist has a Subwoofer? Perhaps SUBwoofers don't bark and don't knock over plant pots. I'm a SUBwoofer most of the time because I only bark when I need to (My Person is a WOOFER just now).

Anyway, I think Artist only got a SUBWOOFER because of the CAT.

Does Subwoofer like Used Socks too?

A Boring Week

She-Person has been Coughing and Barking all week which is why nobody has come to see us. (We knew an Airdale called Oscar who barked all day. He had to wear a special electric collar that sprayed water up his nose when he started barking. That soon stopped him).

Persons did come to see me when my Wound was bad.

Nobody has come to our house all week and Person has not been able to try out our 'No Jumping Up' collars yet.

I keep asking to go Outside so I can bring the Bone in. I need this so I can make Marmite want to take it from me. Each time I pick up the bone Person shuts the door. With me OUTSIDE.

Anyway, I will be able to sneak it in soon.

Person doesn't like us Fighting in the House.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

My She-Person

I know you must be wondering why I haven't told you about my She-Person yet.

She-Person RESCUED me.

Person does lots of things for us, but she always makes us WAIT.

In the morning when we want to get up she makes us WAIT. We watch her putting on her shoes. We WAIT. Then she says GOOD MORNING DOGS and makes a big fuss of us. We go straight outside to check where the black and white CAT has been during the night while I've been shut in.

Then Person puts our breakfast out and we have to WAIT.

Sometimes Persons take us out in the car. We have to SIT and WAIT first. (Marmite usually pretends that she can't jump up into the car. She likes being lifted up best. But sometimes Person shouts UP UP UP UP UP and she leaps in with no trouble at all). When the car stops we just can't Wait to get out for a run. But we HAVE to WAIT.

Person sometimes takes us for WALKS along the road. This is to teach us to BEHAVE and NOT PULL. She takes us one at a time.

This is really a PERSON WALK, not a DOG WALK. Dogs don't do Walks just for sake of Going for Walks. Persons do that.

WALKS for DOGS are Runs and Sniffs and Chases and Hunts. I sometimes go to a very large field with Monty the Mont and Marmite where we can HUNT for RABBITS.

Persons take us to Training Classes and we have to do a lot of WAITS. I'll tell you about Person Training classes another time, but I'm a Very Good Dog at Training. Persons didn't take us to Training yesterday because Linsey (who tells everybody what to do and who also says a lot of WAITS) has been away for two weeks. Linsey will be missing me and I've not been able to show her my Wound. Anyway it might be too late when she gets back because my Wound is going away now.

She-Person RESCUED me when I was 9 weeks old. It was only going to be until I was Better and was Found a Home.

When I was Better she just kept me.

The He-Person in my Pack

I have told you now about us the three dogs, and about our Neighbours from Heaven, so now you will want to know about my He-Person.

Here he is watching TV with Monty the Mont. He likes watching TV - especially Sport and Films. Most especially he likes watching Football.

I can't see the point of Football myself. Nobody keeps the ball. When I play ball I do like to keep it. When I play with my She-Person she at least lets me keep it for a little while. I would like to be in that field with all those men and that ball. Then I could make the game FUN.

My She-Person would like Football if I was playing in it. (I would have to wait a bit until my Wound goes).

The He-Person used to live a long way away in New Zealand with lots of Kiwis. Kiwis can't fly very well so I would be able to chase them better than pigeons and geese. They call Persons Kiwis as well in New Zealand!

Kiwi Persons like another Sport better than Football. Rugby. My He-Person LOVES Rugby. This is a better game because they can keep the ball for a little while. When the He-Person watches Rugby he shouts a lot. THUMP THEM and BLOODY REF and OFFSIDE OFFSIDE THAT WAS OFFSIDE.

I used to think he was shouting at me. He does sometimes. THAT BLOODY PIP. Kiwi Persons say BLOODY a lot though it doesn't really mean Bloody - not like my Wound was when I did it.

He loves me really, especially when I cuddle up to him. He then says to my She-Person - "Look at that Bloody Pip, will you!"

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Bark Bark Bark Bark BARK. My Person has a Cough and a Cold.

I can't get a Cold but I can get COLD. Then I just shiver (quietly). I don't bark.

I have got a Wound.

The Persons Next Door

My Person says Sue and Peter are Neighbours From Heaven.

Their garden isn't a Dog Proof garden so we aren't allowed to go in there.

Peter is an Artist. He has SCULPTURES all around his garden. They aren't real things at all (not like digging forks). When we look up at Sue and Peter's garden from the field there is a row of Sculptures along the fence, guarding it.

Our garden doesn't need Sculptures to guard it. My Persons have Me (and Monty the Mont - and Marmite).

Peter's Sculptures don't keep the black and white CAT out though! I'm much better than a Sculpture for keeping the Cat out. (They have tried using smelly spray stuff, they have put spikes on top of their fence and they have a little box in their garden that makes a funny noise - all to keep the cat away. None of them work). The cat frightens the birds and Sue and Peter feed lots of birds. They can even tell the difference between different kinds of birds.

I think they need ME in their garden to CHASE the Cat.

The other day Cat nearly caught a fat Pigeon - on their bird table. Sue saw it through the window.

I quite like chasing pigeons too - and geese - but I can only fly when I'm lying on the sofa dreaming in my sleep (my Person says I make funny squeaking noises and my legs twitch). CATS are best to Chase because they are so ANNOYING.

Cats sometimes just Sit and Stare, out of reach. CAT is free to go anywhere it likes, in other people's gardens or over the road or into the field, but I'm not.

Sue and Peter like Birds more than Dogs - even more than me. They like Birds much much MUCH more than Cats.

Each afternoon Sue calls out to my Person "Tea or Coffee?" and Person goes through a little gate and leaves us. That was when I chewed the remote control the other day. Person was also doing Tea or Coffee with Sue when I did my Wound.

Sue hasn't come round into our garden for a long time. That's because she has had a Hip Operation. (My Person's friend has a golden labrador called Robin who had a Hip Operation because he had Hip Dysplasia).

My Person loves Sue (and Peter). I think they love her as well. Sue and Peter also love us really, but not enough to let us to chase the Cat around their garden.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Dogs' Dinner

We have two meals a day, one in the morning and one at tea time. Here is a picture of me finishing my tea today (you can just see my Wound).

I eat a lot of food but I'm still very thin. I actually eat more than Marmite! I'm skinny because my mum was half whippet (my Person sometimes calls me Pippit the Whippet when she is being nice to me).

Person always puts our three bowls down out on the veranda in three different places (Marmite's by the kennel, Monty the Mont's by the table and mine by the chairs). Then she makes us lie down and wait. Marmite drools. Then Person says "OK!" and I know which bowl is mine.

Marmite has Lite food because she is too fat, Monty has dog food with Big Meaty Chunks. I used to have the same food as Monty but I'm now trying Special food for Greyhounds without the Big Meaty Chunks. This is because Person thinks I eat too slowly so I need smaller bits.

But I can eat fast. I can eat faster than Marmite even. But if I eat very very slowly Monty the Mont and Marmite both stand right over me watching me eating every bit, waiting till I finish. It's very scrunchy food. So, I eat VERY VERY SLOWLY.

I never leave any bits.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Shut Outside

Yesterday was meant to be a Red Letter Day. Luke who is one of my Person's sons, came home with Lovely Louise.

Lovely Louise is going to have a BABY. At a place like my vet's where Persons go, they looked inside her and they told here it's going to be a girl (I'm told we can only call dogs Bitches. Marmite is a Bitch). Strange there is only one Baby Person. I think there were 7 Baby Cubs with me inside my mum.
Here is a picture of us shut OUTSIDE.

We were OUTSIDE for such a long time that when we came in we got Too Excited and my Person got cross.
Lovely Louise doesn't really like me. She is a bit scared of me (of me!!) We did all try to jump all over her and lick her to show her that we love her, but we were just shut OUTSIDE again.

Person says we are Very Good Dogs at Person Training, but Bad Dogs at home when we have visitors. But we love people coming to our house.

We don't wear collars because Monty the Mont used to chew through all Magic's collars. She just lay there and let him do it. My Person is going to get us all Special Collars to wear when People Come. She says that as soon as we jump up she will drag us outside and shut the door. We will then STAY OUTSIDE.

She says she will TRAIN us to leave people alone if it kills her so I must try very hard to be GOOD next time.

So it started as a Red Letter Day but it ended as rather a Blue Day.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

When is Pet EAR month?

I would like a Pet EAR month. I could do EARS for a whole month. I could do inside-out ears for a whole month because my Person just always has to 'Put Ears Right'. She does it gently and pretends to scold me. I like it. (She also Puts Marmite and Monty the Mont's Ears Right too because we all have labrador ears. Mine are sandy coloured, Monty the Mont's are black and Marmite's are very brown).

I like the smell of ears. I think my Person likes the smell of mine.

Here is a picture of my inside-out ear (and you can just see my Wound).

I know Persons have Hearing Dogs for Persons who CAN'T HEAR, and Blind Guide dogs (that's not Blind dogs) for Persons who CAN'T SEE.

They call dogs like me SIGHT Hounds because I can SEE very well. Should I be Guiding Persons who CAN'T SEE, do you think?

I know I'm a good HEARING Hound as well. I can hear everything Persons say. Most of it is nonsense. Some talking I do understand but pretend I don't. Some talking I don't understand but pretend I do (words like 'The Dogs' and 'Out' make us all leap about because just sometimes Persons then say "Oh, alright then").

There are some words I often pretend not to understand: Sit, Stay, Wait, Down, Stand, Come and LEAVE IT.

When I'm being a Very Good Dog I do understand all these words.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Pet Smile Month

I saw a poster at the vet's. It said 'Pet Smile Month'. Smile for a MONTH? I'm glad it's just for one month. When dogs show their teeth to me I know it really means 'BE WARNED'.

Persons smile. Dogs don't.

My Person says Periodontal Disease represents a huge source of infection for the rest of the body - kidneys, heart valves, liver and lungs. Yuk.

I'd prefer to have my Wound (which is Coming Along Nicely).

Teeth are for CHEWING, not smiling.

Person wasn't smiling yesterday when she came back home and saw the remote control. I was a Very Bad Dog. Although I can't smile, I can look very very sorry. I do a very good Hang Dog look. I had a nice cuddle later and looked smiley though it's nothing to do with my teeth. I then let my Person pull my mouth open and she says my teeth are lovely because I'm only young.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My Vet

I went to see my Vet today so she could look at my Wound. She is called Farah (I thought it was Sarah to start with). She wears shoes the same sort as my Person but Farah's smell of polish.

I love Farah and Farah loves all of us. When I am in the vet's funny smelling room, my Person tries to keep me quiet but Farah makes such a big fuss of me that I just can't help jumping up. Even with my Wound. She loves Marmite the best and especially when she was a puppy - I know that. She tells my Person that Marmite is getting too heavy and at the same time she gives her treats!

Before I was born Farah went away and my Persons thought we had lost her forever so we changed vets - and there she was! At our new vet's waiting for us.

You can just see my Wound in this picture. My hair is shaved round it (funny that my skin is dark). It feels bristley when I lick at it.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Marmite, the chocolate labrador in my pack

I was a Very Lucky Dog my Person keeps saying. The spike went TWO INCHES into me (my Person 'doesn't do' centimetres) and because I'm so skinny it could have been SERIOUS if it had gone in somewhere Vital. All yesterday evening I felt weird, but I woke up this morning ready for the day, wolfed down my breakfast and then it was time for a chase. My Person keeps yelling something about The Stitches.

Marmite is very brown and her legs are quite short for a labrador. I know this because my Person had changed her mind about Marmite having puppies because her legs stopped growing - strange reason. (Anyway, she only wanted Marmite to have puppies so she could call them Bisto, Gravy, Pickle, Bovril and silly names like that).

I love Marmite. I love standing in front of the gate so she won't come through and then she cries. All I am doing is standing there and looking at her! Anyway, she only cries so she can get attention, I know that. She used to stand at the top of the steps crying, pretending she couldn't get down. She likes the Persons encouraging her down saying kind things to her like "Come on down Little Brown Dog".

The other day she pushed her luck a bit too far and cried on the top step three times. She won't do that again! Our Person walked to the top of the steps waving a saucepan and lid. (A few weeks ago Person had actually banged them together LOUDLY and very quickly we all stopped fighting in the house and ran out). Now we know that the saucepan MEANS BUSINESS.

Everyone loves Marmite. At 'Person Training' she is a Very Good Dog. She is very PLACID for a labrador, all apart from one thing that she does. For no reason at all she will jump up onto one of our Persons when they are sitting down watching TV . She then licks and licks and wags and wags her tail and they have to get cross with her to stop her.
(Me - I'm not placid).

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Been at the Vet all day in a cage

I was going to tell you about Marmite today but i'm....too....sleepy......

Yesterday evening I was annoying Monty the Mont as I always do when he doesn't want to play, to make him chase me. He can never catch me unless he and Marmite both gang up on me. This time they get me into a corner. I saw a gap by the wire fence that I could escape through....

OUCH ...wire sticking out....I had a big hole in myself. There was BLOOD.

I knew it was serious because my Person took me straight to the vet who said something about Stitches but for some reason sent me home again because I'd had my dinner.

So, no breakfast this morning and back to the vet's where I was put in a cage. BORING. No food. No playing. A cat was mewing and yowling. I couldn't chase it. In the afternooon someone came to say hello to me and I went all sleepy. When I woke up voices were very loud. I was still in the cage. The cat was gone. Then my Person came to get me. Can I walk? I can remember just getting into the car before falling asleep again.

So now I'm at home. I'm allowed scrambled egg but I'm not hungry. Monty and Marmite keep sniffing me. They want to play with me now but I can't be bothered. So I'll tell you all ...about ... Marmite ...tomorrow.......

Monday, September 18, 2006

Monty the Mont, my black labrador step-brother

Today I shall tell you a little about Monty the Mont, my black labrador step-brother (I told you a bit about myself yesterday, so I shall now introduce you to my pack).

I keep hearing my Person telling the other Persons at Person Training Classes (they call them Dog Training Classes ha ha) that Monty the Mont is neurotic. She says it's all because of WHAT
HAPPENED when he was a tiny cub. His mother (funny - she was a yellow colour, his father was brown and all the puppies were black), well his mother had a big bandage on her leg when my Persons went to fetch Monty at 8 weeks old. The Rottweiller who guarded the farmyard where Monty was born used to get out during the day and attacked his mother and went for the puppies.

When Monty came to live with my Persons in their pack I wasn't born. There was just a German Shepherd living here and she was called Magic. Well, soon after Monty came here at about 8 weeks old he tried to suckle Magic. She didn't like that! She nipped him quite gently but he went balistic as though the Rottie was after him and ran around the room SCREAMING. Because Monty was running and screaming, Magic turned on him like hunting a rabbit and both my Persons had to fight with her to save him. He wasn't actually hurt, but he was so traumatised that he slept for a whole day and a whole night and wouldn't eat.

The Persons kept them apart for a while and then watched over them when they were together, and Monty and Magic soon became the best of friends.

Unfortunately Magic died when he was only about a year old. That was his third big TRAUMA. For days he kept looking for her all the time. He cried and wet on the floor if he was ever left alone even for a minute (I would never do that, would I).

So, that's when my Persons got Marmite (who has the same father as Monty - so she's his half-sister), to keep him company and so they could go out and leave him. Monty is still a bit wary of new dogs he's not met. My Person says he's 'on the defensive'. Sadly, being 'on the defensive' failed him his Bronze Good Citizenship test (Marmite and I have got both Bronze AND Silver now so he will need to catch up won't he).

Monty the Mont is the He-Person's favourite but I think my She Person loves me best. She says she loves us all the same. At our classes the other dogs love Marmite the best.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I'm Pip, a sort of Lurcher I think

I'm a mix of saluki and golden labrador and I'm now 16 months of age.

With me are Monty the Mont (black labrador age two-and-three-quarters), Marmite (chocolate lab, 22 months).

Don't be fooled. We all know how to look good. Any moment the wild geese that fly over at this time of year, honking, will have us out through the open door in a flash; I'm first because I'm the fastest, followed closely by Monty who keeps trying to get in front of me but I won't let him, and last comes Marmite who only has two speeds - slow and very slow (the vet told our Person to feed her something called lite food because she was looking like a walking coffee table. Poor Marmite. She loves eating even more than I do).