Thursday, December 18, 2008

Three Kings of Orien Tar

I have a New Place to BE.

My New Place is HIGHER than Monty the Mont, HIGHER than Marmite and HIGHER than Silly Milly.

I like being HIGHER.

From my new HIGH PLACE I shall be able to see when Three Kings bring me Bones and Squeaky Toys and Chews.

I like being IN FRONT too.

Yesterday after dark there was Singing outside our house. Person said it was the Round Table.

I couldn't see any Round Table. I could only see a Chair.

The Chair looked like my new HIGH PLACE and it was on a moving trailer. Sitting on the Chair was a Man Person with a Red Hat and a White Beard shaking a tin of money.

The singing was called We Three Kings of Orien Tar.

Anyway, I know there is no such thing as Father Christmas really because Person told me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

In Season

Silly Milly is In SEASON.

I am in SEASON too. I am in Winter. It is a Foggy morning.

Silly Milly is On HEAT. So is Milly in Summer? (I am in Winter, Monty the Mont is in Winter and Marmite is in Winter).

Person says I am being very BOSSY just now because Silly Milly is In SEASON.

I don't think Silly Milly knows what On HEAT is. I am trying to show her. Person says Humping Milly won't make Baby Dogs because I have No Balls. (Baby Dogs???)

Here is Silly Milly coming through the Dog Flap - with a Ball.

And here is Silly Milly with Two Balls.

Anyway, it is Christmas soon. Perhaps I will be given a Ball for Christmas. Or Two Balls.

And then it will be Spring.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Good and Bad

Silly Milly is trying to be BAD. Person says she is now at THAT AGE.

Silly Milly is trying very hard to be BAD, but Person has never told her what BAD is.

Person has only ever told Silly Milly what GOOD is.

When Milly Jumped on the Sofa, Person told her that Jumping OFF the Sofa was GOOD.

When Milly Chewed my Collar, Person told her that Giving Person my Collar was GOOD.

When Milly Dug a Big Hole in the Field, Person told her that Coming AWAY from her Big Hole was GOOD.

When Milly Jumps at the Gate, Person tells her that Getting DOWN from the Gate is GOOD.

I have been Doing my Best to help Silly Milly discover what BAD is.

Person went to see a Big German Shepherd called Major the other day. Major is Very BIG and Very STRONG. Major knows he is Very HANDSOME.

Major has Tufty Ears just like Milly.

And here are Silly Milly's Tufty Ears.

Person went to see a Golden Labrador called Bella the other day and Bella had Eight Puppies.

Labrador Puppies PLAY a lot. Labrador Puppies POO a lot. Labrador Puppies WEE a lot.

Labrador Puppies SLEEP a lot.

Anyway, Labrador Puppies don't have Tufty Ears, and neither do I.

Tally and Lolepop and Jester are Parsons Terriers. They live with Persons' Friend Ann and they did Dash and Spash. They had to DASH along a ramp and LEAP as FAR as they could into the water. SPLASH.

Person says Dash and Splash is like Long Jump for Dogs.

Here is Jester Swimming after his SPLASH.

Anyway, I like Short Jump and Splash and Swim into the River with Monty the Mont and Marmite. Silly Milly has not been swimming in the River with us yet.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Has anyone seen a Flying Play Tunnel heading east?

The other morning Person said what have you done with the Play Tunnel Pip? It was Windy. Our Play Tunnel had DISAPPEARED from our Field.

Anyway, here we are in Silly Milly's Crate.

A man called Mr.Baskerville came to see my Person last week. She is going to have Solar Panels up on the roof to make Hot Water. I prefer Cold Water.

Because My Person asked him to (because My Person is a Dog Behaviour Lady), Mr.Baskerville ignored Milly and she didn't Wuff and Huff at him. She wasn't scared of Mr.Baskerville.

Person said Mr.Baskerville should Understand Hounds (I'm a SIGHT Hound but I can't SEE our Play Tunnel).

Anyway, perhaps when Mr.Baskerville's Solar Panel men are on the roof making Hot Water they may be able to see my Play Tunnel a Long Long Way Away.

If some poor dogs a Long Long Way Away in Africa now have my Play Tunnel, I won't mind.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


Here we all are, shut Outside last Sunday. We were shut Outside because Person's Baby Grandchildren came.

There were six Big Persons and three Very Little Persons and Milly wasn't Barking. You can see that Milly was no longer scared.

Silly Milly is becoming Big and Brave. Person says I am becoming Sensible. That's because I am so busy playing with Milly and Teaching her THINGS, that I don't have to look for things to do any more.

When Person lets us into our Field first thing in the morning there are RABBITS there.

I FLY across the Field after the Rabbits, Milly CHARGES accross the Field, Monty the Mont RUNS accross the Field and Marmite Walks.

Then we sniff and sniff and we eat Rabbit Droppings. Person calls Rabbit Droppings Croutons.

Anyway, one day I shall CATCH a Rabbit. I'm not yet quite sure what I shall DO with it.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Home Alone

Here I am with Milly in our field.

On Sunday Person came home smelling of a Weimerana called Bailey.

Bailey is very ANXIOUS when he is left Home Alone. Now Bailey is very SCARED when his Person comes back home.

When he is left Home Alone, Bailey is so ANXIOUS that he CHEWS things and sometimes WEES.

Last Thursday Bailey's Man Person came home and found a MUCH BIGGER MESS than ever before.

Bailey was hiding.

Bailey's Person walked into the kitchen and found a BIG POO.

Bailey's Person was ANGRY.

Bailey's Person walked through the house and found lots of WEES.

Bailey's Person became MORE ANGRY.

Bailey's Person went upstairs and found DOG SICK on the bedroom floor.

Cupboards were open and there was MESS EVERYWHERE.

Bailey's Person was VERY VERY ANGRY with Bailey.


Then Bailey's Person realised that a BURGLAR had been in the House.

Then Bailey's Person was so VERY VERY SORRY he had been angry with Bailey.

Bailey didn't understand 'sorry'.

So now my Person has shown Bailey's Persons how never to get angry with Bailey, and what to do instead.

She told him DOGS ARE NEVER NAUGHTY. They always have a Good Reason.

That means I can go back to digging in the field and pulling up the black stuff under the shingle that stops the weeds growing through, then.

Person is never Angry with Silly Milly. Person is not Angry with Milly, even when she pulls up the black stuff under the shingle in the garden like I showed her.

Anyway, I am never Home Alone, Monty the Mont is never Home Alone, Marmite is never Home Alone and Milly Molly is never Home Alone.

Because when Person goes out, we have each other.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Partners in Crime


Monty the Mont and Marmite are asleep.

Person is WORRIED again.

Person can't See ME. Person can't See Silly Milly. Person can't Hear us either.

So Person CREEPS OUT to look through the gate into our Field to see what we are UP TO.

(Person says That Pip and That Milly are always UP TO SOMETHING).

Here is a picture of Milly in the Paddling Pool.

Milly LIKES SPLASHING IN WATER. (I don't like in Splashing Water).

This is Milly's Crate. It is MY Den now.

Monty the Mont is very Barky now (Person shuts him by himself when he Starts Barking). Marmite is very Playful now, until she gets cross with Milly.

Anyway, I have now decided Milly is a GOOD THING.

I am Teaching Milly LESSONS like How to Chase Birds and How to Play Tug and How to Scrunch Live Snails and How to Pull Bits Off Plants and How to Pretend to be Deaf.

I am saving teaching Milly How to Dig Holes for later.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Silly Milly

Milly Molly is just about OK when she is lying down. Milly Molly is Best when she is ASLEEP.

Milly likes playing with Marmite. But I don't like Milly playing with Marmite.

I get cross with Silly Milly, but Milly doesn't take any notice of me. Person never gets cross with Milly. Person is VERY QUIET. Person does STANDING STILL and DOING NOTHING.

Sometimes I show Milly my TEETH. Milly doesn't care.
Here is a picture of me showing my TEETH to Milly (and Monty the Mont is keeping out of it).

A man has come today to make some Concrete, and Milly is barking at the man. Milly is SCARED of him.

I try to tell Milly to STOP barking at the Concrete Man. I BARK at her. But Milly won't take any notice of me.

Persons says that one day Milly will Grow Good. One day, when Milly Grows Good, I will show her how to dig HOLES.

Milly is VERY BRAVE with Dogs and Milly is VERY SCARED with Persons. She tiddles if Persons look at her. She tiddles if Persons talk to her.

Milly tiddles if My Person bends over her.

So Person sits on the floor with Milly and she doesn't tiddle. Then Milly likes a Cuddle. Milly likes to be Brushed.

Anyway, I don't like Person giving Milly a Cuddle.

But Milly doesn't care.

Monday, May 26, 2008


Today Milly came.

Milly is a German Shepherd and Milly is Fifteen Weeks Old.

Person says Milly came from a Puppy Farm. Person gets our Raw Chicken Wings from a Turkey Farm.

Milly was kept in a Big Cage with other dogs and puppies.

Milly is Very SCARED of Persons.

But Milly isn't Scared of Me. Milly isn't Scared of Marmite. Milly isn't even Scared of Monty the Mont who told her off for jumping on him.

We have all been Chasing around our field in the Rain. SIXTEEN DIRTY FEET Person says.

Person is 'DOING NOTHING' with Milly because she says this will make Milly More Brave with Persons.

But I fear Milly might soon become a bit TOO Brave.

Milly has been here for just half a day and then ....... she Jumped Up Person!

Person gave Milly 'The Turid Rugaas Hand Gesture' without looking at her. (Turid Rugaas is a Very Famous Dog Lady Person who teaches Handling Skills).

DOING NOTHING doesn't sound like Handling Skills to me. DOING NOTHING sounds more like NOT Handling Skills.

Anyway, Milly is now asleep again for a very little while.

Later I shall teach her about HOLES.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Bones and Raw Food Diet

I have a Sore Nose.

I made my nose SORE because of a BONE. A Big Raw Meaty Bone. I didn't know what to do with it so I Buried it by Digging a HOLE and pushing it and covering it up with my Nose. Then I Dug it up. Then I Buried it again somewhere else. Then I Dug it up again. Then I Buried somewhere else. Then I Dug it up again.

Then Person took my Big Raw Meaty Bone away.

The other morning I thought I was going to get my FOOD. My nice Crunchy Dried Food. But Person gave me two Raw Chicken Wings instead.

Is this FOOD? Do I EAT them? HOW?

Marmite was already SCRUNCHING her Raw Chicken Wings because Marmite will Eat Anything. Monty the Mont then SCRUNCHED on his Chicken Wings.

Person cut mine Two Raw Chicken Wings into little bits. I Sniffed them.


Then, for tea Person gave me SLUDGE.

I Love SLUDGE. It is TASTY. Sludge is all minced up. It has Raw cabbage and cauliflower and carrots, and sometimes it has Raw Fish, and it always has Raw Meat, it sometimes has Raw Liver and it sometimes has Raw Cows Heart, and sometimes it has Fruit.

This is what my SLUDGE looks like.

And here is Marmite eating SLUDGE.

I can now Scrunch my Chicken Wings. I have Worked It Out!

Anyway, Chickens don't need their Wings because Chickens Don't need to Fly. Chickens RUN. They have to RUN in order to cross roads so they can get to the Other Side.

Person also gave us BIG RAW MEATY BONES to chew.

Marmite took her Big Raw Meaty Bone into the Field. Monty the Mont took his Big Raw Meaty Bone into the Garden.

I first took my Big Raw Meaty Bone into the Kennel to my Bed.

Person now only gives us SMALL Raw Meaty Bones, because my Big Raw Meaty Bone made my Nose BLEED.

Then, when there are only three little bits of Meaty Bone left, we all lie down together in the field and Swap Bones.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Hail and Snow

Here is my Funny Face. Person says she can see Right Up My Nose.

There was HAIL today. Hard cold white balls fell out of the sky. They HURT.

Person says the Hailstones were the size of Sugar Lumps. (I don't know what Sugar Lumps are, but she says that Horses would).

A few days ago there was SNOW. Snow is fun. Snow doesn't Hurt my Head like Hail Hurts my Head. Monty the Mont and Marmite didn't want to Play.

My Dog Listener Person went to see a Yellow Labrador called Becky. Becky lives with Misty who is a dog called a Bichon Frise.

Becky is SCARED of Persons who come to her House. I'm not Scared of any Persons who come to my House.

Becky looks just like my dad did, though Becky is a Bitch. (I'm not allowed to call a She-Person a Bitch).
Anyway, I WAS just a little bit SCARED when Sugar Lumps were dropping out of the Sky onto my Head.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

That Pip

Person calls Monty the Mont Monty.

Person calls Marmite Marmite.

Person calls me That Pip.

What is That Pip up to. Where is That Pip. What has That Pip done now.

I have a New Bed. Monty the Mont has a New Bed and Marmite has a New Bed.

My bed is never the Bed I am actually lying on. It is either the Bed Monty the Mont is lying on, or it is the Bed Marmite is lying on.

My Person went to see Maisie yesterday. Maisie is a Chocolate Labrador and she is Twelve Weeks Old. But Maisie isn't Too Fat like Marmite.

Maisie has found out she is just big enough to jump up on the sofa.
I think Maisie's Persons will soon be calling her That Maisie.

Anyway, just now I have Two New Beds all to myself.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I Love You

Persons did something called Valentine's Day last week.

My Person did the I Love You STRETCH to me.

She got onto her knees. Then she STRETCHED her hands out towards me on the floor.

So I did one of my special STREEEEETCHES back to her, and LICKED her on the Nose.

Then Person said Ouch, I'm stuck.

Some of Person's Friends tried it with their dogs.

And nearly all Person's Friends dogs STREEETCHED right back.

One of Person's Friends dogs just looked at his Person and walked away.

Another of Person's Friends dogs Humped his Person's head.

Anyway, I love my Person better now she is no longer picking up the Small Sharp Scissors when she thinks I am asleep.

Person has finally removed all the Black Stitches. The nurse said the Black Stitches would go all by themselves, but they didn't.

My New Wound is now a New Pink SCAR.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

My New Wound

I have a NEW Wound.

Nobody heard me SCREAM this time.

Monty the Mont and Marmite Cornered me behind the Bonfire and I ran into something SHARP and STICKING OUT. I kept running but my Skin stayed still.

I have SEVEN Stitches.

Person thinks that I can't CHEW my New Wound and Person thinks I can't SCRATCH my New Wound. This is because Person has bought me a Corderoy COAT.

I heard someone say Big Girls Blouse.

I Love my Corderoy Coat and I wear it all the time.

Person thinks I can't get my Nose under my Corderoy Coat to Lick my New Wound.

While I waited for the Vet to Take me Away, I talked to a Chocolate Labrador just like Marmite. I lay on my back with my legs in the air and she Kissed me.

Chocolate Labrador's Persons looked at my New Wound and said
Oh Dear.

The Vet looked at my New Wound and the Vet said Oh Dear.

It was a Boring Day. I was in a Cage all morning.

When Person came to fetch me I felt ODD. I said Hello to a Spaniel, then I jumped into the car (OUCH) and went to sleep.

Anyway, I am getting my Corderoy Coat as dirty as I can now. When Person takes my Corderoy Coat to wash it, I will be able to show EVERYONE my New Wound.