A dog that doesn't like Walks!

My Person came home from Dog Listening smelling of two Black Labradors and a Ginger CAT last Wednesday.

One of the Black Labradors is called Ebony. Ebony is SCARED. Ebony doesn't like Walks. Doesn't like Walks! I LOVE Walks (really Walks are Hunts, Sniffs and Runs).

Monty the Mont is a Black Labrador, but Monty isn't SCARED like Ebony when he's out on Walks.

Ebony has her Tail Down and she Hangs Back. If Ebony's Person lets her off-lead, Ebony runs away and doesn't come back for a Long Time.

Ebony's Person had sent Ebony away to stay with a Dog Trainer for a Whole Week.

Afterwards, the Dog Trainer told Ebony's Person to Hide and to Watch. The Trainer walked past with Ebony.

Ebony had no lead and she walked happily beside the Dog Trainer. Ebony's Tail was Waggy and she was Smiling. Then the Dog Trainer sent Ebony away to play with two other dogs in a field. Then he called Ebony back and she came right away.

Ebony's Person said Ebony looked like a Different Dog. She had never before seen Ebony looking happy on a walk, with her Tail Waggy.

My Tail Is Curly and Waggy, Monty the Mont's Tail is Straight and Waggy just like Ebony's and so is Marmite's.

Sadly, as SOON as Ebony was back home with her Person she was Scared again.

As SOON as Ebony's Person put the lead on Ebony's tail Went Down. As SOON as Ebony's Person took Ebony's lead off, Ebony ran away again and didn't come back for a Long Time.

My Person said it just shows Ebony Never Needed a Dog Trainer.

My Dog Listener Person showed Ebony's Person how to behave like an Alpha Wolf, just like the Dog Trainer did.

My Person won't be sending me away to live with a Dog Trainer for a Whole Week. Anyway, I have learnt to play her Dog Listening Games. Monty the Mont learnt to Play Person's Dog Listening Games. (Person says Marmite is getting a bit Above Herself lately so Marmite is being IGNORED for a while).

Here is a picture of Ebony, Inca and the Ginger CAT (Ebony is at the back):

Person DARE NOT take me to Dog Training

I have not been to see Linsey Trainer Person at Person Training (Dog Training ha ha) for a Long Time. Marmite hasn't been to Training for a Long Time. (Monty the Mont never goes to Training because Monty the Mont doesn't like Training).

Granny Person is in Hospital. Person goes to see Granny Person Every Day to help her to eat her Dinner.

I would like Person to help me to eat my Dinner. If Person helped me to eat my Dinner it would make me feel IMPORTANT. Instead, she IGNORES me when I eat my Dinner. Then she removes my bowl straight away - before Marmite can come and see if I have left anything for her.

Person is visiting Granny Person and she is doing Dog Listening with lots of other Dogs. So Person now hasn't much time for Me, or for Monty the Mont or for Marmite.

Person says we are Getting Above Ourselves.

So Person DARE NOT take me or Marmite to Training now. I just might JUMP UP. I just might PULL ON LEAD. Marmite just might make a PUDDLE on the Floor.

A Dog Listener CANNOT have Dogs herself that Jump Up or Pull on Lead or make a Puddle on the Floor.

Luke, Person's Fourth Born, came to see us with Lovely Louise and Baby Elle.

Anyway, I'm off out to our Field now to see what Monty the Mont is Barking at.

PS. Dog Listeners CANNOT have Dogs that Bark out in the Field, either.

Trouble

I'm Not Allowed Toys in the House. We must go OUTSIDE to Play.

But because Person is out Dog Listening all the time, Person says we are Getting Away With Murder.

The rug slides across the wood floor when I chase Monty the Mont and when Monty the Mont chases Marmite and when Marmite chases me to get the Toy. Then I Get Into Trouble.

On Monday Person came home smelling of Patterdale. Patterdale is called Ruby. Ruby does Vertical Take-Off. This is Ruby.

On Tuesday Person came home smelling of two Bull Mastiffs called Max and Macy.

Everyone was IGNORING Max because Max was Clamouring for Attention. Max has a Very Big Head.

Here is Macy Keeping Out of Trouble.

I don't always Keep Out of Trouble. I quite like Trouble. It's better than being IGNORED.

Anyway, I don't need to do Vertical Take-Off because I'm Tall. Monty the Mont doesn't need to do Vertical Take-Off because he's Tall also.

Marmite isn't Tall, but Marmite is too FAT to do Vertical Take-Off.

Isolated from The Pack

Person came home smelling of Italian Spinone yesterday evening.

Italian Spinone didn't smell like Green Pasta though. It smelt of Big Puppy called Monty. But Monty Spinone doesn't look like Monty the Mont at all. Monty Spinone is Pale Grey. Monty the Mont is Black.

Monty Spinone has Very Big Feet which means he will grow into a Very Big Dog.

Person also came home smelling of Dexter who lives with Monty Spinone. Dexter is a Flatcoat Retriever and he is Black (just like Monty the Mont).

Dexter once saw some Persons having a Picnic in a Field. I would love a Picnic in a Field. Dexter came back with two Ham Sandwiches. Picnic Persons were standing up and shouting.

Person Dog Listener has been to see Dexter, so when Dexter gets Too Big for his Boots he is ISOLATED from The Pack. He goes into the Kitchen All By Himself for a little while. When Monty Spinone gets Too Big for his Boots he will be ISOLATED from the Pack for a minute in the Study.

Monty Spinone needs Very Big Boots because he has Very Big Feet.

When I get Too Big for my Boots I am ISOLATED from The Pack in the Hall. Then I go into the Bedroom because the door doesn't shut and I eat Tissues from the Bin.

I know that Person won't ISOLATE me from The Pack for long, even though she is a Dog Listener.

Person Loves me really.

Anyway, Person doesn't trust me in the Bedroom.

Here is a Dog Sandwich- Me with Marmite and Monty the Mont.

Failing to Comply

Person had a letter from Cambridgeshire Constabulary.

The letter says Person Failed to Comply with the Speed Limit. This is the SECOND time Person has Failed to Comply with the Speed Limit.

Person can only Fail to Comply with the Speed Limit one more time. If she Fails to Comply with the Speed Limit MORE than one more time, then there will be No More Dog Listening.

If Person did NO More Dog Listening, then Person could take me out for HUNTING, SNIFFING and MARKING instead. She could take out Monty the Mont, and Marmite too.

Persons don't Go Marking and Persons don't Go Sniffing. They just do 'Walks' because they 'feel like it' because the sun is shining.

Strange.

Person is Not Happy with me today. I Failed to Comply with Person's Garden Limits.

When Person was out Dog Listening I made another HOLE in the fence. So now Person is now IGNORING ME for a..l o n g..t i m e.

Anyway, if Person keeps on Failing to Comply with the Speed Limit, Person can't go out Dog Listening any more and I shall not make HOLES in the fence any more.

I am trying to have a Very SORRY and COMPLIANT Look on my Face.

Here is Noola with Dizzy. Dizzy has a Very RESIGNED Look on her Face. Perhaps Noola is Failing to Comply with Dizzy's Patience Limits.


Here is George who Person did Dog Listening with yesterday.

George has a Very SMUG Look on his Face because George is Failing to Comply with Person's Dog Listening Limits.

George is now sitting in Person's chair. Person gently pushed George away all evening and Ignored him.

But then Person stood up.

Jumping Jack Russell

Yesterday my Person came home smelling of a Jack Russell called Champ.

Poor Champ Jumps Up in the Air to catch flies, or Runs round and round in circles, even when there are no flies. He just Can't Stop himself from Jumping Up in the Air and Running round and round in circles.

Person called Champ Come and Person gave him one of her Special Dog Listening Treats. Then Champ started Jumping Up in the Air again.

Here is a picture of Champ trying to catch a fly.

Champ's Person now understands how to help Champ. Soon he will be able to Lie About and Chill.

I am now Lying About and Chilling on the door mat in the sun, with Monty the Mont and with Marmite.

Person keeps her Special Dog Listening Treats in a plastic tub in her Dog Listening bag.

Yesterday Person left her Dog Listening bag on the floor. I could smell Special Dog Listening Treats through the plastic tub.

Anyway, Person found another plastic tub and some more Special dog Listening treats.

Not to say NO to your dog

Person is trying Something New when she goes out Dog Listening.

She is saying, TRY NOT TO SAY 'NO' to your Dog for Two Whole Weeks.

Person never says 'NO' to me, nor to Monty the Mont nor to Marmite. She does sometimes make a warning noise though, uh-uh, or she may give me a Loooong Look.(He-Person often shouts 'NO' at us though, especially when he is watching Sport on TV and we're trying to Play).

Sasha the Rottie Puppy's Persons are going to TRY NOT TO SAY NO to Sasha. They could call Sasha Come instead and they will say Good Girl if she comes away from the NO thing. Sasha's Persons may gently lead Sasha away from the No thing. But if Sasha won't then come away from the NO thing she will be put somewhere All By Herself for a little while.

Person came home smelling of Chocolate Labrador yesterday. Lola is Chocolate Labrador mixed with something else and she is six months old. Lola has three Child Persons to Play with. I would like to play with Lola. But Lola would never be able to catch me. I am a Streamlined Racing Hound.

Lola's Persons are going to TRY NOT TO SAY 'NO' to Lola, but to call Lola Come instead. They will say Good Girl if she comes away from the No thing. If Lola doesn't come away from the No thing she will be put somewhere All By Herself for a little while.

Anyway, here I am, a Streamlined Sleeping Hound.

Rottie Puppy

This morning Person said to He-Person Your mobile isn't in the Field. What she really meant was Pip didn't take your mobile, see?

Love Me Tender Love Me True was coming from He-Person's mobile - from Upstairs. (Upstairs is where He-Person was shouting BLOODY REF at the TV yesterday while She-Person was out Dog Listening).

Person came home smelling Very Interesting Indeed. She smelt of Puppy. A Rottweiller Puppy called Sasha. I sniffed Person's Shoe Lace for a Long Time because it smelt of Rottie Puppy Chewing.

Sasha has Two SPOTS. they are little Brown Spots, one over each of her Eyes.

Sasha does three things mostly. She sleeps, she plays, and she Grabs Trouser Legs. Sometimes she makes Little Holes in the trousers. Sometimes she Grabs Person Skin too.

When Sasha is asleep she looks like a Little Angel. When Sasha is Awake she is sometimes like a Little Devil.

Now Sasha's Persons are IGNORING her when Sasha is Naughty. Sometimes they put her OUT All By Herself. Sometimes they WALK RIGHT OUT and leave Sasha All Alone. Sasha doesn't like being All Alone, though she may Pretend she doesn't mind.

Soon Sasha will Stop Grabbing Trouser Legs. Soon Sasha will be a Very Happy Rottie Puppy. Soon Sasha's Persons will be Very Happy Persons and soon Sasha's Boy-Person James will be able to Play with Sasha again.

Anyway, if Sasha saw He-Person's mobile she would have taken it away to Chew, like I chewed the Remote Control once. But that is because she is only a Puppy.

Mobile Phone

He-Person has lost his Mobile Phone.

He-Person says he left his Mobile Phone on the chair.

She-Person was out Dog Listening again. He-Person was watching Sport on TV and he was doing a lot of shouting BLOODY REF. When He-Person watches Sport on TV he does NOT Watch me. He does NOT watch Monty the Mont and he does NOT watch Marmite.

When She-Person came home I heard her saying I don't suppose it's OUTSIDE in the field. Tomorrow morning when it's light Persons will look to see if He-Person's Mobile Phone is in our field. I shall be Very Quiet and Very Good tomorrow morning. (I always get the blame - like I did with the Remote Control).

Anyway, Person saw another SPOTTY Dog today. But this SPOTTY Dog was ENORMOUS. Lots and LOTS of BLACK SPOTS and a Very Big SAD Face. He is called Tarquin. Tarquin's SPOTS are SO BIG they run into other SPOTS. He is the BIGGEST SPOTTY DOG that Person has Ever Seen.

I still have never seen a SPOTTY Dog. Only Spotty Persons. The ENORMOUS SPOTTY Dog was called Tarquin. Here he is:

Cadbury

My Person went to see a Chocolate Labrador today. He is called Cadbury. At first Person Ignored Cadbury because she is a Dog Listener. Then she taught him to Walk Nicely next to her. He had never Walked Nicely next to a Person before.

I don't Always Walk Nicely next to Person. So she STOPS. Then she Changes Direction. Marmite doesn't always walk Nicely next to Person. Monty the Mont doesn't always Walk Nicely next to Person either. Monty likes to LUNGE at the telegraph pole.

Cadbury is smaller than Marmite. And THINNER.

My Person went to a Wedding yesterday. Neighbour-From-Heaven's First-Born called Vicky was Getting Married.

Getting Married is something Persons do. They are meant to Get Married and Live Happily Ever After, then they can make Baby Persons.

Ole is a Daddy but he didn't get Married before helping to make Baby Dogs.

Anyway, I can't help to make Baby Dogs because I have had The Operation. Can I still get to Live Happily Ever After though?

Here is a picture of Cadbury with Dollar who is a Jack Russell.

Spots

Yesterday Person was being a Dog Listener and she went to see a Dog with SPOTS all over him. He was called Oscar.

I wish Person had taken me with her to see Oscar. I have never seen a dog with SPOTS before. They were Black SPOTS.

I don't have any SPOTS, nor does Monty the Mont and nor does Marmite. (I have seen Persons with SPOTS though, but they were Red Spots, not BIG BLACK SPOTS like Oscar's).

Here is a picture of Oscar. My Person was giving him a Treat.

Person didn't give me a Treat when she got home from seeing Oscar though. She just Ignored me instead.

Later, she did give me a little bit of Sausage, and Monty the Mont and Marmite.

I have another picture to show you. It is Noola, Dizzy's new puppy. Noola and Dizzy's Persons are Dog Listeners too, so they Ignore Dizzy and Noola when they come home, just like Person Ignores me.

Anyway, perhaps Dizzy and Noola are given a little bit of Sausage later.

Springer Spaniel

My Person Dig Dog Listening with a Spaniel today. It was a Springer Spaniel.

She is called Zebedee because she is Springy. Zebedee is Ten Months Old.

And here is a picture of Zebedee being IGNORED.

Great Danes

My Person went to see two Great Danes yesterday. Ziggy and Maddie had had a fight and Ziggy had Two Wounds. Ziggie and Maddie's Person had a Big Wound on her arm when she stopped them Fighting.

Great Danes are VERY BIG DOGS.

When my Dog Listener Person first goes in people's houses, she IGNORES their dogs. So she IGNORED the Great Danes.

My Person often Ignores me as well. I know that if I stay quiet for a little while she will then be nice to me.

It is very difficult to IGNORE Great Danes. Ziggy's nose touched Persons nose. Person tried not to laugh. She would not look at Ziggy though. SUDDENLY Ziggy made a loud WOOF, right in her face.

Person says that Ziggy was soooo BIG I could stand up underneath him.

Anyway, I wouldn't have been scared of Ziggy. Marmite wouldn't have been scared of Ziggy. I think Monty the Mont might be a little bit On The Defensive if he met Ziggy.

Here is a picture of Maddie in her bed. It is the Biggest dog bed there is.

Puppies to Play With

My friend Ole is a Daddy. He doesn't live with the Mummy though. He just VISITED her. She is a Patterdale like Ole.

My Person says Fathers should Take Responsibility for their Children. Perhaps Ole should have ALL the puppies living with him so that he can Take Responsibility for his Children.

Ole's Persons are going to allow Ole to Take Responsibility for just one puppy.

Here is a picture

AND, my new friend Dizzy's Persons have given Dizzy a new puppy to play with.

I would Love a new puppy to play with.

I can't be a Daddy. I had The Operation.

Person's fourth born Luke is a Daddy and he lives with Lovely Louise and they have a Baby Girl. (I am not allowed to call her a Bitch).

Marmite has had The Operation as well because Monty the Mont is her Half Brother and if they had Puppies it's called In-Breeding. (Wolves don't do In-Breeding because only the Alpha Pair make babies. Then they Take Responsibility for their Children).

Anyway, if She-Person gave me a puppy to play with I could show it all the holes I dug under the fence when I was little but which I'm too big to get through any more.
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Very Nasty Accident

When Person was OUT doing Dog Listening, I nearly had a Very Nasty Accident.

It was fortunate that He-Person was here.

I was playing my game of Pretending to Kill Monty the Mont in our field, when I caught my bottom teeth under Monty's collar.

I was TRAPPED. It HURT. I SCREEEEEEAMED. Monty PANICKED and PULLED.

He-Person heard me Screeeeaming. Monty the Mont was running around the field and I had to run around the field as well because I was joined to him by my bottom teeth.

He-Person Chased us. Monty the Mont ran, pulling me along by my mouth. He-Person was running SHOUTING stop stop STOP.

I was SCREEEEEAMING so Loudly that Marmite was BARKING and Jumping and Crying too.

At last He-Person unclipped Monty's collar. (This took a long time because the collar was very Tight with my jaw inside the collar as well as Monty the Mont's neck).

FREE

If He-Person had not been here to unclip Monty the Mont's collar, I might still be joined to Monty's neck by my mouth. Then I would either STARVE or DIE of Thirst.

He-Person Saved my Life.

So, Dog Listening isn't always good for dogs. It's not good for me if I nearly have a Very Nasty Accident with Monty the Mont while she's away Dog Listening with other dogs.

Anyway, here is a picture of Marmite's feet.

Getting Naughty

My Person has been out a lot doing Dog Listening.

She says I am getting NAUGHTY. Yesterday she called us all IN from our field.

Marmite is Slowest but she came IN first. Monty the Mont wanted to come in but I didn't let him. I stood in front of him and I ATTACKED him. I grabbed the fur on his neck.

Then I let Monty the Mont go in.

Later, when I felt like going in it was Too Late. Person had shut me out in the field by myself.

So Person says she is going to BLITZ me with Dog Listening for a couple of days. I am waiting for my tea. I have tried asking but Person is ignoring me. I am now lying down patiently, not looking at her. That will Do The Trick.

I knew it would.

I was a Good Boy at Person Training (Dog Training ha ha) today. Marmite was a Good Girl at Training. Monty the Mont stayed in the car because he doesn't like Training. He is On the Defensive. He doesn't like being with lots of dogs in a small place because he can't run away if he's scared.

I am Never scared at Training. I just stay close to Person when the Big Black German Shepherd that Growls looks at me. Marmite used to be a little bit Scared to start with. She then made a Puddle on the floor like she did at the Vet's. Linsey Person was never cross with her. Linsey Person is a very Kind Trainer.

Anyway, Person is going to try taking Monty the Mont back to Training soon. She says now he has been thoroughly Dog Listened that he will trust her to look after him. Then Monty the Mont won't have to worry about the other dogs. He won't have to be On the Defensive.

Person likes going to Training because she likes TALKING to other Persons. It's for herself really. Not for me, not for Marmite and certainly not for Monty the Mont.

Responsibilities of Dog Ownership

Someone called Dr.Besser says in the newspaper I would like to see Mandatory Classes for Expectant Dog Owners to teach them about the Responsibilities of Dog Ownership.

Expectant Dog Owners? I thought Bitches did the Expecting not Owners.

It's raining today. Monty the Mont, Marmite and I have Twelve feet altogether to make Muddy Footprints on the floor. So the gate to our field is shut. Boring. The only thing we can do is sleep under Person's desk.

The Responsibilities of Dog Ownership could mean Persons must not shut gates and stop dogs from going into fields whenever they want. The Responsibilities of Dog Ownership could mean that all Dog Owners must call out a Dog Listener so they could learn to play that 'I'm an Alpha Wolf game' like Person plays with us.

My Person who is a Dog Listener would be Very Busy. She would Go Out even more than she does now. Because she's Out all the time, she won't be able to do Responsibilities of Dog Ownership properly with me, or with Monty the Mont or with Marmite, because we are left at home.

I am very sad because Tobi who writes in my Blog and who lives in Costa Rica has gone. He says he is now Angel Tobi. I'm not too sure about Heaven and Hell. I quite like it here, under Person's desk with Monty the Mont and Marmite.

Did the Angels in Heaven have to take Mandatory Classes about the Responsibilities of Dog Ownership before getting Tobi?

Anyway, I don't suppose the Elyssian Fields get Muddy.

At the Vet's

Monty the Mont and Marmite both went to the vet's yesterday for their injections.

If you are one of my Person's Dog Listener friends and you are reading my Blog today, I shall tell you what REALLY HAPPENED at the vet's.

Marmite pulled and jumped. Then she made a PUDDLE on the vet's floor. I never make Puddles on floors.

I hope none of Person's Dog Listener friends saw what Monty the Mont did! While He-Person sat with Monty the Mont, a Boxer dog came in to the vet's waiting room.

The Boxer dog looked at Monty the Mont. Monty the Mont looked at the Boxer dog. Both dogs Pulled to get to each other and made Excited noises.

And He-Person forgot ALL the Dog Listener stuff Person had told him about. He didn't walk calmly outside with Monty the Mont. He didn't distract him calmly like Dog Listeners do. He-Person did lots of Commands. DOWN MONTY, DOWN, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT, SIT, LEAVE IT...

Oh dear. Dog Listener's dogs don't Pull. Dog Listener's dogs don't get Excited by other dogs. Dog Listener's dogs certainly don't make PUDDLES on vet's floors.

Anyway, I just stayed in the car.

Wild Predators

My Person says that, from behind, I look like Something Else.

A Sad Elephant, or maybe an Aardvark.

This is because I have two Whorls, one each side of my Tail. They look like EYES.

Monty the Mont doesn't have two Whorls that look like EYES, and nor does Marmite have two Whorls that look like EYES.

Perhaps I have two Whorls that look like Eyes so that Wild Predators are too AFRAID to Attack me From Behind.

I hope Wild Predators don't Attack Marmite from Behind because she would have to Run and Marmite is Slow. I'm not Slow. I'm FAST.

If Wild Predators Attacked Monty the Mont from Behind just a little bit, it could Teach him a Lesson.

It would prove to Monty the Mont that I am Winner of the 'Who's Top Dog' game if Wild Predators are too AFRAID to Attack me, but Wild Predators are not too AFRAID to attack Monty the Mont.

Anyway, I don't think we have Wild Predators in our field. We do have Moles though.

The Boss

My Person keeps going out and leaving us All Alone. This is since she has been doing Dog Listening.

Each time Person comes back she Smells of a Different Dog.

Yesterday she came back smelling of Jack Russell. Jack Russell Worries. He Panics. He thinks it's his Job to Look After his Persons all the time so he BARKS AND BARKS AND BARKS. Jack Russell Charges About. He tries to Attack cars.

Jack Russell goes Frantic when a Visitor comes. When my Person came he jumped right up as high as her face, then he charged all over the chairs, then he climbed up her leg, then he ran around the room BARKING and his Persons couldn't catch him. My Person said to Jack Russell's Persons please put his collar on.

Then she said we will now put a lead on him. Then they could catch him. They shut him in the kitchen. When he came out he started again. Back into the kitchen. Then he came out and started again. Back into the kitchen. Soon it was a bit longer before he started again. Back in the kitchen. All the time nobody looked at Jack Russell and nobody spoke to him.

Persons just carried on talking to each other.

After about one hour Jack Russell lay down and then he gave a big Sigh and went to Sleep.

Already Jack Russell is learning that he is not The Boss. Being the Boss is a Big Job. Too Big for Jack Russell. Being The Boss is his Person's Big Job.

In our Pack Monty the Mont thinks he's The Boss of the Dogs. But Monty the Mont can't make me think he's The Boss of the Dogs. Monty the Mont sometimes Tests Person to see if Person really is The Boss. He pushes past her and knocks into her when she's taking us OUTSIDE to feed us.

Person Stops. She gives Monty the Mont one of her Loooong Looooooks. So Monty the Mont turns around and tucks in behind her.

Anyway, here is a picture of Monty the Mont showing Marmite that he's The Boss of the Dogs.

Falling Over

I had Writers Block yesterday. I haven't got Writers Block any more because I have something to Write About. Person gave me a Big Stuffed Bone today. She also gave Monty the Mont a Big Stuffed Bone and she gave Marmite a Big Stuffed Bone.

Person gave us Big Stuffed Bones because we had to stay OUTSIDE for Four Whole Hours. We had to stay OUTSIDE because Granny and Granny's Sister came to our house. Granny is 94 Years of Age and Granny's Sister is 91. That is thirteen Years of Age in Dog Years.

I wonder whether I shall live to be thirteen Years of Age.

I had to stay OUTSIDE, Monty the Mont had to Stay OUTSIDE and Marmite had to Stay OUTSIDE. This is not because we might Jump Up. (After Person started playing her Dog Listening games with us we have stopped Jumping Up - nearly). We had to stay OUTSIDE because Granny might Fall Over. Granny's Sister might Fall Over too. They might even Fall Over if we just Walk Past them!

It would be more sensible if Granny had four legs and Granny's Sister had four legs. Then Granny and Granny's Sister would not be so very Wobbly.

Anyway, if Granny and Granny's Sister had four legs then Person would not have given us Big Stuffed Bones to quarrel over OUTSIDE.

Tomorrow my Person is going to visit a Boxer who Pulls so hard on his lead that sometimes his Person Falls Over! I expect Boxer will get some of my Person's Stop Start Change Direction games.

Here are Monty the Mont and Marmite in the Outside kennel with what's left of one of our Big Bones.

Snow and Bryony the Grey Greyhound

Person opened the door this morning to let us out, and everything was WHITE.

I love Playing in the Snow. So does Monty the Mont and so does Marmite.

Marmite Eats Snow. When Marmite is in the Snow she nearly has no legs. This is because the Snow is Deep and Marmite's legs are Short.

We had Very Very Good News yesterday. Jenny Dog Listener has taken Grey Greyhound Bryony from the Rescue Kennels to live with her For EVER.

Jenny Dog Listener took Grey Geryhound Bryony to her home to meet her other Greyhound called Bruce. She took Briony just for one weekend to see how they all got on, and then she took Briony back to the Kennels until later. That was because Jenny Dog Listener goes Out to Work. She wanted to be at home when Bryony started living with her and with Bruce For EVER.

But when Grey Greyhound Bryony went back to Rescue Kennels she Cried and she Howled all night. She wanted to be back with Bruce. So Jenny Dog Listener picked Bryony up the very next day and took her home to live with Bruce For EVER.

So now Bryony is a Very Lucky Dog and she's a Very Happy Dog. She will now be a Very Warm Dog. Because she now lives with a Dog Listener she will be a Very Well Understood Dog. And Bryony won't have to stand outside in the Snow all by herself. She can Play in the Snow with Bruce. (If you click 'Bryony' under the picture of me and Monty the Mont in the Snow, you will see about Bryony).

Anyway, it's now time to go Outside to Play in the Snow again. I will need to wake Monty the Mont and make him come out to Play with me. Marmite is too tired.

Tongues

My Person visited two Chow Chows yesterday. Chow Chows have Black Tongues.

I have a Pink Tongue, Monty the Mont has a Pink Tongue and so does Marmite.

I use my Tongue to lick between Person's Toes.

Person visited two Labradors today. One was the same colour as me and the other was the same colour as Monty the Mont. Person says she would like to have brought them home with her.

I would have liked that and so would Marmite. I don't know about Monty the Mont.

Anyway, there isn't room under Person's desk for any more Labradors.

Terrified Terrier

Do you remember I told you about Terrified Terrier? Terrified Terrier was frightened of Rain. He was frightened of Wind. He was frightened of Noises on TV. He was frightened of Noises in the night. He was frightened even of Soft Noises.

In his Panic Terrified Terrier tried to Climb walls, he tried to Climb curtains and he tried to Climb doors. Terrified Terrier Screamed and he Panted. At night his Persons had to shut him in a Crate for his safety. Terrified Terrier would make his feet and mouth bleed trying to Escape.

Just Two Days after my Person went to see Terrified Terrier and explained to his Persons how to be Alpha Wolves for him, Terrified Terrier just stopped being Terrified. Now he is taking no notice of Noises any more. He is chilling out in front of the TV. He is no Longer a Terrified Terrier.

I wonder what Terrified feels like? Marmite doesn't understand Terrified either. Monty the Mont will remember feeling Terrified as a Puppy, when Magic our German Shepherd nearly Killed him. That was before Magic and Monty the Mont became best friends.

Monty the Monty still feels a little bit Terrified if he is left All Alone.

Anyway, Monty the Mont isn't left All Alone much, because he has me and he has Marmite.

Sarah Bear who is Person's First born has gone Skiing. This means Sarah Bear is sliding down a Snowy Mountain trying not to Fall Over. There are Lots and Lots of Persons sliding down the Snowy Mountain with her trying not to Fall Over or to Crash Into each other. Strange.

My steps into the Field were white and slippery this morning and I almost Slid Down them. Here is Marmite at the top of the Slippery Steps.

Baby

My Person has been Neglecting me and she's been Neglecting Monty the Mont and she has been Neglecting Marmite.

Person has just had something called a Grand Child.

A Human Baby is a very Tiny Person that Cries a lot. Person came home Smelling of a very nice Smell. Human Baby. Lovely Louise and Luke have a Girl Baby (only a Girl Dog is called a bitch) and her name is Elle.

Tomorrow Person is going to see Max again. Max is the dog that can't stop going Round and Round and Round. Person has been speaking to other Dog Listeners and she knows what to DO now. If Max's Persons can DO this Thing with Max, then he may be Saved.

When Max was a baby his Mother, who was a bitch, must have loved him too.

Deaf?

Person took me Down the Track for a Walk yesterday all by myself. (She was messing about Changing Direction and all that. Still, I just went along with it).

Person Let me OFF LEAD and I Ran and Ran, I Jumped down the Bank, and I sniffed in Badger Holes.

When Person Called me a Came Back to her Straight Away.

Person took Monty the Mont for a Walk yesterday all by himself. Monty the Mont had to Change Direction more than I did because he was TOO EAGER to get to the Track and he Pulled.

Person let Monty the Mont OFF LEAD and he Ran ahead, then he Ran back to Person, then he Ran ahead, then he Ran back to Person. He kept Stopping to Sniff and to Mark the Spot.

When Person Called him Monty the Mont Came Back to her Straight Away.

Person took Marmite for a Walk yesterday all by herself. Marmite didn't Pull much. She just Waddled along.

Person let Marmite OFF LEAD and she didn't Waddle. She RAN. She Ran ahead. She had her Nose to the Ground and she kept going. (Marmite was Following the Scent of the Staffie I had met on my Walk earlier).

When Person called M A R M I T E, Marmite didn't Come. Marmite was disappearing into the distance, Sniffing.

Person thought OK then and she turned around and started to go back home. She looked over her shoulder but Marmite had disappeared.

Person then did something she tells other people not to do. She turned around and went after Marmite. Person could see Marmite in the distance, wandering back. Marmite had thought she had better see where Person had got to.

So Person Waited.

When Marmite got back to her Person said are you Deaf,Marmite?

When Person and Marmite got back Home, Person said to He-Person I think Marmite is Deaf. He-Person said Rubbish.

Marmite liked eating snow the other day.

Pretending

Buster, the Boxer has stopped his Horrible Habit!

Buster's Person is starting to love him now. She is not going to Give Buster Away any more.

My Person would never Give ME Away, she would never Give Marmite Away and she would never Give Monty the Mont Away. None of us do the Horrible Habit. YUK

Person's dog Listening showed Buster's Person how to be Calm when he had done his Horrible Habit. To PRETEND to take no notice. Buster likes being Shouted At and Scolded when he's Bored. It is lots of Attention. Lots of Attention is Fun.

Buster now knows there is no point in doing his Horrible Habit because his Person doesn't take any notice of it any more. And she gives him Lots of Attention when he does NOT do his Horrible Habit.

Anyway, I am a Lucky Dog because I never get Bored. I have Monty the Mont to Scrap with. Marmite can't be bothered with Scrapping. Marmite doesn't want to play the 'Who's the Top Dog?' game.

If we ever do get a bit Bored we Dig Holes in the Field. Digging Holes in the Field is Fun.

Here is another picture of me Scrapping with Monty the Mont. We are only PRETENDING. I would not want to really Hurt Monty the Mont and Monty would never want to really Hurt me.

Tail Chasing

Yesterday Person came home smelling of a German Shepherd. I could smell that he was a very Mixed Up German Shepherd.

His name is Max.

Max has a Habit that he Can't Stop. He does this Habit nearly all the time.

You know when Max is going to start his Habit. He Sniffs his Tail. Then he starts going Round and Round and Round and Round in Circles, Chasing his Tail. Chewing his Tail. He has very little hair on his Tail now.

Max goes Round and Round and Round whenever there is any Noise. Max goes Round and Round and Round whenever Persons talk a little loudly. Max goes Round and Round and Round whenever he's off lead out on a Walk. Sometimes Max goes Round and Round and Round for no reason at all.

This is driving his Persons MAD.

Sometimes I go Round and Round and Chase my Tail. This is when I can't get Monty the Mont or Marmite to Chase me in the Field.

Poor Max lived in Rescue Kennels for 6 months and he's only one year old. Person says Max Can't Cope yet with being part of a pack, so she is teaching Max's Persons Dog Listening so that they can Help him. Max's Persons will try not to shout STOP any more when he goes Round and Round and Round. Each time he goes Round and Round they will say nothing at all. They will hold him gently for a minute, or when he goes Round and Round they will call him to them and speak kindly to him. They will keep him Calm.

Max is a Lucky Dog now because he has Persons who Love him. His Persons are learning how to show Max that they are the Alpha Wolves. They will make all the Decisions. They will look after him. Max need not Worry any more.

Soon Max will Stop going Round and Round and Chasing and Chewing his Tail.

When I went OUTSIDE yesterday morning it was SNOWING! Here I am trying to make Monty the Month Chase me.

Cats and Dogs

Persons who have Dogs Live for Loooooonger than Persons who have Cats.

That's True. They said so on The News.

I know why this is. Persons with Cats can Sit About all day because when Cats want to go OUTSIDE they just go out through a Cat Flap.

Persons with Dogs can't Sit About all day. They have to GET UP out of their chairs when Dogs want to go OUTSIDE because most dogs don't have a Cat Flap.

So every time I want to go OUTSIDE it is helping Person to Live Longer. Every time Monty the Mont wants to go OUTSIDE it is helping Person to Live Longer. Every time Marmite wants to go OUTSIDE it is helping Person to Live Longer.

Sometimes I think Person doesn't want to Live for a Long Long time. Person no longer lets us OUT every time we ask to go OUTSIDE. She doesn't let us IN every time we ask to come INSIDE. One evening before she started Dog Listening, Person GOT UP out of her chair to open the Door TWENTY SEVEN TIMES.

So Dog Listening and Understanding Dogs may be making Person's Life Shorter.

It's nice to know that each time we get Person out of her chair it will help her to Live for Longer
.
I wonder whether Persons have tried Understanding Cats? Are there any Cat Listeners? I think Persons may not so easily win the 'Who's the Alpha Lion?' game with a Cat!

Anyway, I shall keep chasing Cats. It will help ME to Live for Longer.

Monty the Mont still thinks he is TOP DOG. I want to be TOP DOG now. We are always Scrapping to see who can WIN the 'Who's the Top Dog?' game. Person has to GET UP to send us OUTSIDE whenever we are Scrapping in the house, so my Scrapping with Monty the Mont helps Person Live for Longer.

Little Dogs

Person has been doing Dog Listening with some Little Dogs.

On Friday she saw a Jack Russell who lives with another little Terrier. Little Terrier is a Very Frightened Little Dog. He is Frightened by lots of things. He tries to Climb the Walls and Curtains when he is Frightened, he Cries and he Shakes and he Foams at the Mouth.

His Persons are learning to Understand Dogs and to help little Terrier.

Then yesterday Person went to see two little Westies and a very little Powder Puff. Powder Puff is a dog really. One of the Westies tried to Nip my Person when she went in their gate!

These three little dogs have a Big Responsibility. They think they have to Guard the House all by themselves. They think they have to Guard the Garden all by themselves. They think they have to Guard their Persons all by themselves.

Their Persons always do just what the Two Westies tell them to do. The Two Westies do just what the Powder Puff tells them to do. Powder Puff thinks she is the Queen.

Not for much longer!

Today Person is going to see another Little Dog. He is a Terrier too. I hope he doesn't nip Person when she goes in the gate.

My Person NEVER does what I tell her to do. Person never does what Marmite tells her to do. Person never does what Monty the Mont tells her to do. (Sometimes Monty the Mont tries to tell Person do what to do. Monty the Mont likes to Leap About and to Get in Front and Control Person. She is having none of that!)

Anyway, I might have some Very Good News soon. Another Dog Listener Person is going to see Briony. Bryony is the Grey Greyhound in the Rescue Kennels that I told you about a while ago. I was born in the Rescue Kennels. If the Dog Listener adopts Bryony she will have another Greyhound to live with, and a Person who Understands Dogs, and she will be a Very Very Lucky Dog just like me.

Here is a picture of me and here is a picture of Briony.

Power Cut

We had a Power Cut today. It was because of the Wind.

Another Very Windy Day. Person says we go SILLY when it's Windy

Person couldn't make the house LIGHT. So, when the sun went down which made it Dark and Cold, we all went to bed. (Well....Sofa).

Person came home very late yesterday and she smelt of German Shepherd.

The German Shepherd is called Bailey. He is only one year old.

Bailey has only lived with his new Persons for two weeks. Bailey's Persons have had lots of German Shepherds so Bailey is a Very Lucky Dog to have been saved by his new Persons.

Because in his old home Bailey was left alone for Hours and Hours every day, Bailey hasn't learnt How to be a Member of a Pack. I wouldn't like to be left alone for Hours and Hours. Marmite wouldn't like to be left alone for Hours and Hours and Monty the Mont wouldn't like to be left alone at all.

So Bailey is trying Very Very hard to DO HIS JOB. He thinks his Job is to make Decisions, to decide who comes INTO his house, to decide who goes OUT of his house, to control doorways, to control Walks, to attack Traffic, to protect everybody and to be in control of their other Shepherd, Millie. In fact Bailey thinks it's his JOB and his RESPONSIBILITY to have the POWER to be in charge of EVERYTHING.

Bailey is already a very Lucky Dog because his Persons love him so much they are now learning Dog Listening to show Bailey that they are the Alpha Wolves....and not Bailey.

Bailey is having a Power Cut.

Soon Bailey can relax and just be a Happy Dog.

Anyway, here is a picture of the Power Cut.

Dog Listeners don't get Cross

It's not very nice weather for Dogs. Rain Rain Rain.

It's nice weather for Ducks. Monty the Mont picked up a dead pigeon yesterday. He brought it back to He-Person because he's a Labrador Retriever. The Pigeon had its head missing. I think Monty the Mont ate it.

Chloe's Person wipes Chloe's feet before she can go into her house. My Person would have TWELVE feet to wipe so she Mops the Floor instead.

Person has been talking to the lady with Buster the Boxer who has the Horrible Habit. Buster is going to the vet tomorrow for Tests to see if he has Something Wrong with him. Buster's Person wants to GET RID of Buster now. Poor Buster.

My Person will never Get Rid of me, she will never Get Rid of Monty the Mont and she will never Get Rid of Marmite. She Loves us. But then, we don't have the Horrible Habit.

Person is getting Cross with me and she's getting Cross with Monty the Mont and Cross with Marmite today.

I try to remind her that Dog Listeners DON'T GET CROSS. Dog Listeners KEEP CALM.

Person is getting Cross with us because we are SCRAPPING Indoors. Person keeps sending us OUTSIDE, go and do that outside. Then we come back in again with Dirty Feet. Then Person must Mop the Floor. Then we start SCRAPPING again.

Anyway, we don't like SCRAPPING in the Rain so we're SCRAPPING in the Kennel instead.

Dopey Tablets

Person took us each for a Stop Start Change Direction walk yesterday, and do you know who was best?

Monty the Mont! Perhaps it won't be long before Monty the Mont lets Person win the 'Who's the Alpha Wolf' game.

Person came home today smelling of Jack Russell.

Person came home today feeling sad. When she went in the house Jack Russell had a Muzzle over his nose and mouth. He had a Muzzle so he couldn't Bite.

Jack Russell had a chain lead on his collar. He had a chain lead so his Person could grab hold of him.

And poor Jack Russell was Dopey because he was Drugged. He was Drugged to Keep Him Quiet.

Jack Russell's Person said Jack Russell may have to be PUT DOWN. Put Down?

I don't like being PICKED UP. I like to Stand and to Walk and I like to Run. My Person finds me heavy to pick up so she doesn't have to PUT ME DOWN. She can't pick up Monty the Mont and she can't pick up Marmite at all. But Jack Russell is small and light.

Person IGNORED Jack Russell just like she IGNORES me. Soon he came and lay down next to her.

Person asked for his Lead and Muzzle to be removed. Jack Russell came back to lie down next to her and she still IGNORED him. He was Very Dopey.

Jack Russell is going to stop having Dopey Tablets. His Person is going to try Dog Listening instead.

I don't Bite and I don't need a Muzzle. Monty the Mont doesn't bite and doesn't need a Muzzle. Marmite doesn't bite either and she doesn't need a Muzzle.

Anyway, I would need a lot of Dopey Tablet to make me dopey. So would Monty the Mont. Marmite wouldn't need quite so much Dopey Tablet to make her dopey because she is a little bit dopey already.

Here is Marmite under Person's desk trying to eat the bookmark hanging down from Person's diary. She couldn't do that if she had a Muzzle.